Sunday was not Funday

Today, I got inspired to tackle tasks I have been avoiding. Primarily transfer my Itunes from my old computer and pictures from my digital camera onto my laptop. In order to do this I have to get on a bus and go the Staples, which is ok because I really need a case for the computer too. I dig out the coupons they gave me when I purchased it. I finally make it to the store. Ooh, pens. I need pens. I really like Uniballs. Staples is a big store and I will not bore you with my ADD aisle by aisle however, I never knew that Staples could offer such an outlet for impulse shopping. They make these cute little skins for like everything. At one point I had to go back and get a basket because I could not hold everything in my arms. I make my way to the cable aisle…I ask the guy what I need. I explain to him that I need to move the Itunes from my old computer that I bought in 2000 to my new laptop. After a few questions I learn that Belkin makes any easy transfer cable that allows one to move things from XP to Windows 7. Easy Peasy. Check out time. In line I decide that the wireless mouse can wait which means I don’t need the mouse pad. And I don’t need the case and the skin. The skin is cute but the bag is more practical. I still need the pens.

Back home. Soon I will have access to my 5000 plus songs. Crap. I have to download software on to the OLD computer. I don’t have a monitor. I don’t know if it is possible to tether it to my laptop. If it is possible I have no idea how to do that. Oy Vey. This is supposed to be easy. I will have to call my friend Brian tomorrow to see what I need to do. I really wanted to be able to do this myself. Such is life. Ok, well all is not lost. I still have the camera. Find camera. Check. Find USB cable for camera. Check. Download the software. Hold. Not compatible with Windows 7. Crap. Wait, all might not be lost I just bought a cable to transfer things from XP to 7. Oh, did I download the software on that computer? I don’t know. Well, if I did not I will have to hope someone has a solution. I don’t even know where the disk is.

So here I sit with more cords attached to my computer than ICU patient. A large CPU circa 2000 which has a drive for floppies and is nothing more than a large storage for my music. No Itunes and no pictures. I know that it will all get resolved but it is more than a average annoyance.

As I have mentioned in pervious blogs, I have ADD and partially finished projects drive me nuts. Every unfinished chore brings up a swell of memories and validates my disempowering conversation about myself that I am a screw up (again this is a family friendly blog). On the surface it seems like an innocent minor breakdown. To me it is a validation of every crummy thing educators and the like said to and about me when I was growing up. I am reminded of getting yelled at for not doing my homework or not doing it correctly. Mostly, I just feel like a big failure because I cannot complete something that seems so simple.

At work, Up Close and Personal

I entered the office knowing I required more coffee and thus would be making a pot. I stopped at my desk and turned the computer before I went to the staff lounge. That was at 9:30. At 9:55, as I am leaving my managers office, I declare to my coworker Tony I am going to brew some coffee. Heading to the break room, I end up at my work space. Oh look I have a message. I better check that. I better call her back. Maybe respond to a few emails and take another call. At 10:15 Tony comes out of a meeting with our boss…intending to pour himself a cuppa joe. Oops, I tell him I have not made it yet. I go and scoop the coffee, fill the coffee pot with 12 cups of water. We will soon be good to go. At 10:45 Tony comes out of another meeting and jokingly says, “There better be coffee now that I am out of my meeting.” I proudly inform him to enjoy it. Sitting at my desk, I hear him say “Alyssa!” In the saying of my name, I infer the subtext is “What the hell is wrong with you?” Huh? Did I forget to turn it on? No, no way. Well maybe. Better go see. Tony is filling the carafe again. No, no. I KNOW I put water in. As I go to double check. It’s turned on. Why isn’t it brewing? Is it broken? WHY ISN’T IT WORKING? Ah, it is unplugged. Yep, didn’t think about that. I look at Tony and inform him that what makes this really funny is yesterday’s blog….I laugh at myself.

I recount the tale to my mom and she says, ”Of course, you never thought to check if it was turned on.” No. Who goes around unplugging domestic devices?

Later, I, again, go to make coffee. Scoop? Done. Water? Done. Ok, so now I need to go to the bathroom. Oh, wait I didn’t turn on the equipment. Crap. If I had gone to the bathroom I would have had a repeat of this morning. Thank goodness I do no look like a loser. I mean I managed a Barnes and Noble Café and I cannot see this to completion. Whew….

This shit cannot be made up or scripted. It is my life. Tony can verify. If the disorder had had me, I would have defended and deflected. Laughing at myself would not be an option. Sharing it in Cyberspace would truly not be an option

My Morning, Up Close and Personal....

This morning the alarm clock wakes me out of what had been a restless sleep at best. I hit snooze at least three times until that is no longer an option if I want to be on time for work. Half awake I stumble to the kitchen to make my requisite morning coffee. Beep Beep Beep. I forgot to turn off the alarm clock. BeepBeep BeepBeep BeepBeep. I finish scooping the coffee into the filter and rush back to kill the alarm clock. BeepBeepBeep BeepBeepBee…. ok silence. Back to the kitchen. Crap. I didn’t put any water in the coffee maker. I have to get in the shower. I need coffee. I do not know what I am going to wear. I didn’t so laundry yesterday as I had planned. Oh, wait Robin Roberts is interviewing Jessica Simpson. I don’t really like her but seems like an interesting interview. She gained ten pounds last year? People said things? Maybe my coffee is ready…. oh, I forgot to turn the sucker on. Okay, I really need to get in the shower. Turn it on. Plug in iron. Hop in the shower. In the shower I scan my brain to figure out what I can possibly wear. Everything that is clean needs to be ironed and Downey Wrinkle Release will just not do. I hate to iron. If I were more on top of it I would have done my laundry. Why didn’t I do that? I wanted to watch TV…. couldn’t I just have run a few loads to the washroom while I was watching DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES? Oh, that’s right I am lazy. I am a screw up. Out of the shower I have a pretty good idea of what I am going to wear and it has nothing to do with what I want to wear and everything to do with what I think will be the easiest to press. Ahhh, coffee. My phone is blinking. Did I miss a call? No it is reminding me that I need to leave for work in 15 minutes. Crap. Am I going to be late? More coffee. What is George Stephanopoulos talking about? Is Robin Roberts that tall or is he that short? These wrinkles are unrelenting. This is not working. Time to get out the dress that should really be drycleaned and the Febreeze….this should work. I hate this outfit. I need more coffee. Five minutes. That’s right it is Regis and Kelly. How long has Kathie Lee been off the show? Why did she leave? I should look that up later today. Time to brush my teethe and put some product in my hair. Looks like I am ready to go. Grab my bag. Get my keys. Start to exit. Go back inside to make sure I unpluged the iron. Unplugged. Wish I had more time for coffee. Did I turn of the coffee maker as I do not trust the shutoff feature. I better check. Ok, it’s off. Time to go….

Seem over the top? I wish it was. I have had more mornings like this than I can count. I have ADD and left unmanged my life is as described in the above passage. I have spent most of my adult life pretending that I didn’t have it, making sure no one else knew I had it, and conpensating for it. Sometimes my life worked brilliantly…and other times not so much. Sometimes I have had my disorder and other times it has had me.