Introducing the Worlds Biggest Douche

The other night, armed with cameras, phones and a notebook The Village People (my fellow residents of Newport Village Apartments) and I ventured out looking for blog material. To say we were successful in our mission would be an understatement. That night provided more material than I know how to cover. Plus, I have now added a video component, as sometimes the real thing cannot be recreated.

However, I am going to start by sharing the end of the night.

On Friday night I was informed by Bear, one of the Village People, that the first night I hung out at the hot tub he has won $100.00 based on a bet as to whether or not I was a lesbian. (To reaffirm he said I was not a lesbian).

On Saturday night I had the opportunity to meet the man with whom he made this gamble. I had the honor and the privilege of encountering Martin Disney, the Biggest Douche on the Planet.

Martin, who sometimes bets people about the time of day, wagered a game of pool with Bear. The rest of us migrated across the bar to watch the rivalry. Martin rarely spoke to me except to say, “shut the fuck up bitch.”

Offended to say the least, Martin, who is so deeply in the closet, started out as annoying yet amusing. By the third time he said it to me I wanted to punch him. Yet, he still seemed benign and when he assumed that Diane—who is engaged to marry Max--is going to wed Doc he revealed his pathetic and clueless nature.

It turned bad when he asked me a personal question that I did not feel comfortable answering. Those who know me can attest that I am not shy and rarely withhold anything. Maybe it is because he has spent much of the day telling me to, “shut the fuck up bitch” that caused me to not want to open up? Maybe it was because what he asked was simply none of his business? May it was his insistence that I answer like it was his God given right to know? In the end the why doesn’t not matter. Please click on the links below to get the rest of the story.

(Please note these links are rated R due to their adult content)


bit.ly/Martin2
The Beginning of the End

bit.ly/b5Bk3b
The Man will not Give UP

bit.ly/Martin3
The Ugly End

Also available on my You Tube Channel adyksterhouse



I ran into a neighbor yesterday and told him I met Martin. His response was, “I bet he kept telling you to shut the fuck up bitch.” It seems that everywhere Martin goes he encounters “bitches” that tells to keep quiet. I wonder how he does with the women? Yep, and the problem was me….

Am I insane but if you tell a stranger you do not wish to discuss something shouldn’t they let it go. Drop it.

I am interested in knowing your thoughts about Martin The Biggest Douche on the Planet. Do you know any one who can rival Martin?

Crazy is as Crazy Does

The other day I was chatting online with a female friend, and then an admittedly bizarre acquaintance attempted conversation with her online, followed by another unstable friend initiating a discussion. My response was, “You got quite a crazy farm going there.” She was forced to log off, as it was too much to take late night.

I was reminded of all the women in I have known who fall into the category of “Crazy Bitch.” A category that seems to be absent in the California, which is odd given I currently live in the land of “fruits and nuts.”

A distinct kind of crazy, so subtle that it is often approved, sometimes even applauded, in society and the entertainment industry. It is deeper than googling your current love interest; in some instances that might be smart. Let me draw a picture.

Tiger Woods mistresses who thought he was going to leave his wife for them are one example are unstable.

The girl, the one we all recognize, who is really ugly and not nice to be around that thinks she is the cat’s meow is not grounded in reality.

The woman who thinks everyman wants her yet never seems to be dating because in truth no one desires her is delusional.

Your friend who has the same recurring relationship problems, romantic or otherwise, and it is constantly the other person’s fault is wacky.

The young woman in the bar who dislikes you because her date is talking to you is insane.

Your “friend” who claims your boyfriend flirts with her though she is sooo not is type saying she has your “best interest” at heart is not reliable.

An associate of mine has women he has not talked to in years randomly call him for no apparent reason, yep they are mad. In fact, he has an ex “Stalker Suzie” whom he has not dated in the better part of a decade yet she, even now, erratically phones him.

Those scenes on TV when the character repeatedly calls someone thinking the more they call the more likely the person they are searching for will answer….CRAZY

Those women on Lifetime Movie Network…NUTS


The REAL HOUSEWIVE OF (INSERT CITY HERE)…you guessed it. *….INSANE

Nonetheless the woman who might take the prize of unsound women is John Edwards’ mistress, Rielle Hunter. Watching her recently on Oprah, I was horrified by her lack of hold on reality. Throughout the interview she referred to living a life of authenticity and truth yet she engaged in an affair with a married man while his wife was being treated for Breast Cancer. She says she is a private person still she staged a sex tape. Johnny loves her nevertheless he refers to her as a “crazy slut.”

And can we talk about the fact that his birth name is “Johnny?” Not John. Not Jonathan. You might know you are white trash when….? But I digress. His drive for looking good and over compensation will be addressed in a future blog.

Ms. Hunter is a churched up version of “Stalker Suzie.”

The quandary with most crazy bitches is upon meeting them we, men and women alike, do not identify they are insane as they fully function in society. In fact, frequently they more than perform they excel. The danger lies in the fact that they range from harmless to hazardous. And you never know with which you are dealing.

As someone who, in the past, exhibited conduct that could be construed as crazy, I want to tell you men may endure eccentric actions but they don’t enjoy it. The error exists when we, as women, think it will get us what we want; yet it is counterproductive. And it doesn’t leave us feeling very good about ourselves.

First let’s talk about why men tolerate said behavior. Well, they assume the hotter we are the weirder we will be. Please refer to www.urbandictionary.com definition of Vicky Mendoza as created by HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER’S lovable character Barney Stinson. The premise is a correlate between sexiness and craziness, which makes said events excusable. The secret, we, sultry women, see we can get away with it. Hence, as long as it is endured we will examine the boundaries.

The trouble, when one surrounds themselves by the examples listed above, what is the gage for acceptable actions? Often, I have taken measures at the evocation of, and applauded by, said women to the detriment of my relationship. As I said, they do not occur as idiotic upon introduction.

I have listened to them, honored them, befriended them, sought their advice, taken said guidance and thought they were sane.

Since moving to Orange County, I rarely encounter a well-meaning crazy providing me with council. My relationship works.

Another downside, you could be dubbed a “Shelly Galesby” which means you craziness out weighs your hotness. And if you are nuts, you might not know what that line is.

Please feel free to share your thoughts and stories about Crazy Bitches…..



http://www.beawesomeinstead.com/television/2007/crazy-vs-hot/


http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Vicky%20Mendoza%20diagonal

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=crazy+bitch

*Rare exceptions apply