Poo in the Pool?!?

My friend frequently says, “Your health is given by the water you swim in.” He is referring to the quality and vitality of ones environment and community; however, this statement was brought home this weekend in a much more literal sense. What does one do when they find poo in their pool? Literally? Poo? In the Pool?

Perhaps I should back up a little bit. Oh, how far to go?

Ok, on Sunday afternoon three other neighbors and I were lying out and, by our accounts, were the only residents at a pool inhabited by a gaggle if Children. Said another way, everyone else was crashing.

The interlopers splashed and played while their parents paid them almost no mind. In fact, I witnessed some of the worst parenting ever.

Monday, on my way to the mailboxes I noticed our pool surrounded by yellow caution tape. Huh? What’s that about? Returning to my apartment, I asked the maintenance man what happened to my pool. After some joking around he said, “Some little kid did their business in the pool.”

In other words, they found a turd floating in the pool on Monday morning.

Yep.

At first I thought some little kid, too excited to get out, relieved him or herself in the pool. Later it was pointed out, much to my relief, the turd probably slipped out from some kids Huggies. Apparently, they make special swim Pamper’s for that very reason.

According to the maintenance man, he has found three turds in twelve years.

Initially I was grossed out by this fact; however, I remembered my friend who was a lifeguard in the elite Irvine, Woodbridge Community where they employed a Poo Pay Policy.

Whenever feces is found in one of their twelve pools they must shut down the whole community and heavily chlorinate the collection which cannot be re-opened for 4 hours. If the shit sighting occurs at about noon everyone would get a really long break; whereas, if the poo peaking happened around 3:00 they would get sent home with pay.

According to my source, “The Chance of Poo was high.” Early and mid summer they average one sighting a week; yet, near the end of the summer as the end of the season neared—as the lifeguards grew ballsy and wise—it could happen once a day. He went on the expand, “and that is only the poo we knew about.”

Knowing that so many parents do not tend to their children’s diapers disturbs me. To my knowledge, a renegade crap never escaped my Luvs. If you are going to allow your kids to swim in my pool, or any pool, pay attention to them and their business.

I Want MY MTV.....

Before the Internet, before 900 plus channels on television, before cable was commonplace MTV played videos 24 hours a day every day. As a tween, I knew I could turn on MTV and it would play songs I liked. I also knew I had to be careful because MTV was outlawed in my house; ironically, my parents let me stay up till the wee hours of the morning watching Night Tracks on TBS….

Moreover the videos produced and played required creativity and employed story-telling techniques such as character development, point of view, and theme. Video’s left a mark in ones memory regardless of how one felt about the song. Lionel Ritchie’s “Hello,” Michael Jackson’s “Thriller,” Van Halen’s “Right Now” and Pearl Jam’s “Jeremy” all evoke vivid memories of watching MTV on my parents 19 inch TV. In 1986 MTV was so popular that the famed Chicago Bears produced a video to their “Super Bowl shuffle.”

I started to form a thesis that MTV killed the Video Star. I then had the opportunity to chat with Tim Nordwind the Bass Player for the band OKGO, a band best known and made popular by their music videos. In 2006 You Tube Video Awards named their “Here is Goes Again” Most Creative Video and in 2007 the band won a Grammy for Best Short Form Video for the same song.

The elaborately choregraphed video of the band dancing on treadmills which, according to Wikepedia, is, “This video was viewed by over one million people on the media site YouTube in the first six days. As of April 2010, the original video upload for "Here It Goes Again" has been viewed over 50 million times, putting it in 42nd place for the most views of any video and 29th place for most viewed music video as well as the 7th most favorited video and the top favorited music video of all time on YouTube."

Tim Nordwind offered new incites on the topic: "Maybe in it’s early day’s people were figuring out the art form, but then it was quickly taken over by labels who used videos as commercials for their artists. The videos were all about filing 100 slots per year that would appeal to advertisers who were selling skate shoes and energy drinks…advertisers who would by ad space on MTV for Viacom."

Quickly videos went from an art form to barely dressed people shaking their butts for the camera. When I asked Nordwind about this her said, “Yeah, even that stuff had some sort of market appeal.”

Marketing killed the Video Star?

So what does the demise of MTV mean for the future of music videos? According to Tim Nordwind this is allowing bands to be more creative: "What’s interesting, now that labels are dying, MTV doesn’t play videos anymore and the very rules that defined 20 years of video making just don’t apply anymore. Now there’s this whole new era of video making that is simply about the art form and not about selling the band, CD or tennis shoes. Videos exist on their own as a separate piece."

I must be getting old because I then declared that there is very little creativity in music anymore to which he responded:

Ha,that not true at all. Music is healthier than ever; it’s just the record business that’s not doing so great. There are a ton of amazing bands out there; you just have to go online to find them for the most part because they’re not being forced down your throat by some top down approach.

Internet saved the Video Star.


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/OK_Go

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pv5zWaTEVkI

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qybUFnY7Y8w&feature=channel

Downward Spiral Towards Gluttony and Sloth

In-er-tia 1. Physics the tendancy of matter to remain at rest if at rest, or, if moving, to keep moving in the same direction, unless affected by some outside force 2. a tendency to remained in a fixed condition without change.

I am a creature of habit. I tend to wake up and go to sleep at the same time everyday; I follow daily rituals in terms of cleaning, relaxing, shopping. Most days my life looks a lot like Groundhog Day. However, the law of inertia gives my habits.

If I am active, eating well, keeping my house impeccably clean I will continue to do so at about the same time everyday. Yet, when affected by an outside force (a disputation in my routine) my habits will alter.

An interruption usually comes in the form of a trip or an event—the first being far more disruptive than the last.

In the past 30 days I have spent 12 days away from home. First I spent 5 days dog sitting and upon returning to my apartment I took one day to relax then jumped back into my rigorous routine. Then I traveled to San Diego for another 5 days for vacation. When I got home I was exhausted from my adventures and gave myself two days to relax and regroup then left to visit with some friends in Pasadena for two days. Then came a tendency for me to stay at rest. Thus began my downward spiral towards gluttony and sloth. Instead of cooking a well-balanced meal, I ran across the street for pizza by the slice. I ceased making my bed daily. I laid by the pool longer than usual.

A week later I was bloated living in a frat house.

This morning I was talking to a friend who bemoaned the fact that he had been inactive for 36 hours and was now overwhelmed by all he had to do and handle and my response was, “Get in action.” Saying that I glanced around to view the unmade bed, the laundry that needed to be put away and tub that needed to be cleaned. My habits and environment were robbing me of vitality and motivation; moreover, I wanted to shut up the little voice in my head that kept telling me that I am a fat, lazy loser.

I needed to heed my own advice. So I got in action.

I cleaned my apartment, I exercised, I ate balanced meals, I updated my schedule and I paid my bills. So once again I have overcome inertia. I am already happier and more fulfilled than I was yesterday.

Does anyone have any advice how to still travel, attend events and be spontaneous without entering the downward spiral of gluttony and sloth? I am committed to ending this cycle.

An Introduction

Today I am going to blog about a blog. Well, not just about the blog but also about the person who writes the blog. I sit at my computer overwhelmed because I do not know where to begin or what to include. So this blog is a simple introduction.

Meet Anne Marie Schlekeway, one of the most extraordinary people on the planet…..

I met Anne Marie in summer of 2000. I cannot remember the exact moment but am willing to bet she was wearing come fuck me high heels, talking loudly and perhaps smoking an extra long menthol cigarette.

I hung out with her for the first time in the summer of 2003. I remember that Tuesday night vividly as at 3:00 in the morning I became aware we were at bar that closed 4:00 AM. I also still recall going to work very tired, with a headache; yet extremely happy to have spent time with her.

In November of that year we moved into an apartment in Old Town, Chicago where we instantly became known to our friends and the people in the neighborhood as Laverne and Shirley. We would stay up till the wee hours laughing, crying, sharing and being silly. In the years that we were roommates we had more good times and more inside jokes than some people share in a lifetime.

Also during that time her speech began to deteriorate becoming noticeable to all by fall of 2005. By the following January people would think she was drunk even though she had not touched a drop of alcohol. About that same period she went to Northwestern Memorial Hospital complaining of symptoms akin to a stroke. The doctors (and she saw many) tested her for a variety of things ranging from Sleep Apnea to Bell Palsy and could not make a diagnosis.

A self subscribed workaholic; Anne Marie quit her high-pressure job in July of 2006 for a myriad of reasons but mostly to tend to her health. A move that initially seemed to work as her speech improved slightly with a lot of rest (12-18 hours a day).

No longer covered by health insurance—and slightly annoyed with hospitals—she explored less traditional avenues of healing such as Eastern Doctors, cleanses, diet changes, and regular massages. Yet her speech kept deteriorating; additionally she developed new symptoms such as weakness in her wrists, difficulty swallowing and weak facial muscles. I remember her once, quite seriously, express concern if she would be able to perform oral sex again.

Nevertheless she began to develop her course THE MASTER PLAN and had a wide array of clients who were flourishing.

In fall 2008 she moved to her own apartment and I accepted a promotion in So Cal. I will forever remember the moment I read her Facebook Status that the Doctors said she had ALS—Lou Gehrig’s Disease in March 2009.

Generally, people with ALS live 3-5 years after their diagnosis. True people such as Stephen Hawking have lived longer but that is not predictable.

Always an exception to the rule I think Anne Marie will outlast us all; however the diagnosis has been a line in the sand for her.

Gifted in keeping an empowering context, she is dying just as she lived BIG. No longer willing to waste time or words on Bullshit, Anne Marie has set out to leave her legacy. She spends her time and energy working on growing THE MASTER PLAN and well as drawing attention and funds for ALS. Additionally she started a blog call; appropriately KISS MY ALS where she authentically shares her experience of the disease.

Anne Marie and I chat regularly on Facebook and she blows me away. I am lucky to know her and to have her in my life. Therefore it has become my commitment in assisting her in her final project: her legacy.

I ask that you share these links. Read her blog, watch the speechless speech, and check out THE MASTER PLAN. I will continue to share about her in my blog—her health as well as the difference she has made for thousands of people including me.

I am reminded of the lyrics from the Award Winning Musical WICKED as it best expresses all I did not include in this blog…

I've heard it said
That people come into our lives for a reason
Bringing something we must learn
And we are led
To those who help us most to grow
If we let them
And we help them in return
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true
But I know I'm who I am today
Because I knew you...

Like a comet pulled from orbit
As it passes a sun
Like a stream that meets a boulder
Halfway through the wood
Who can say if I've been changed for the better?
But because I knew you
I have been changed for good

http://kissmyals.com/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Als

http://www.masterplanprogram.com/

http://video.wttw.com/video/1543486151

Clubbing with the Kennedy's

I went clubbing with the Kennedy’s. Not those Kennedy’s but their last name is Kennedy. That must count for something.

Oh, and we didn’t really go clubbing but I will get into that discrepancy later.

Recently, my friends—the Kennedy’s--relocated from the melba toast town of Irvine to the historic and happening town of Pasadena so this past weekend I went up to visit their knew home. If I had to pick a So Cal town to live in I would ask to take up in their guest room. I enjoy seeing homes and buildings built before 1970. Architecture excites me. I also enjoy a place that offers nightlife in one central downtown area.

As you may or may not have inferred from my blog, I enjoy cocktailing; hence I should inform you that the Kennedy’s do not drink. That said, the Brits by birth were excited at the prospect of taking my to the local pub honoring the motherland. According the Kennedy Patriarch no self respecting Englishman would walk into to bar and not have someone order a drink. Thus the theme of the trip became “Clubbing with the Kennedy’s” which is ironic because I, or they, do not know the last time any of us entered a “club.”

On our drive to a free concert and picnic at Levitt Pavilion Papa Bear Kennedy inquired, “Is that a club?” Forcing his wife to respond, “No that’s my hairdressers.” Followed a few moments later when he said, “See those people lining up…that might me a club (pause) oh it is a cinema.”

Needless to say we were not truly committed to clubbing but we did do some barhopping and I was gifted with two designated drivers. Alas, at 11:55, just prior to our meter expiring we called it a night and returned to the Kennedy Compound.

The next morning we woke early to visit the Huntington Library, which the clearly cultured Kennedy’s are members. We explored a portion of the amazing Botanic Gardens followed by the library that houses the Gutenberg Bible, Shakespeare’s First Folio, books written (as in by hand) on velum, Canterbury Tales and so much more.

I have been traveling quite a bit lately and one thing is becoming clear to me. I am getting old. The quality of my vacation depends more on the sights I see than the nightlife I encounter. I am more excited about discovering The Spreckles Organ in Balboa Park, San Diego than I am about drinks at the Hotel Del—both of which were delightful. I would rather visit a Cactus Garden than the new hotspot. I am ok with that.

http://www.huntington.org/

And Your Point Is?

Last week I wrote a blog called “Stop Vomiting on Me” which has been met with mixed feedback. Some of my regular readers commented that it was their favorite of all my blogs while others missed the point completely.

One person actually inquired into what my point was in writing it. I am willing to look at my ability as a writer that the theme got lost; though I am not certain how one could miss the argument in the statement, “So quit vomiting you opinions of what I should do or how I should be. Said another way, I, as well as the other people in your life, do not need to know every thought that fires in your brain. Said yet another way, pick your battles wisely.”

I assert that said people are not daft but are unwilling to get the point. Furthermore one person felt the need to inform me, “I have no interest in forming a relationship of any kind with you as I do not have the experience of you BEING respectful, empathetic, loving, accountable, trustworthy, inspirational, open, nurturing, supportive etc.” Wow, really? I write a blog called “Stop Vomitting on Me?” and you respond by vomitig on me.

I file this message under GFYS (Go Fuck Youself).

Before you communicate with someone, I recommend that you ask yourself “what’s the point?” Or maybe, “What am I trying to further here?” And if you cannot find the point or figure out what you are trying to further maybe you should keep your opinions to yourself. I am not certain why that reader felt the need to 1) inform me that they have no interest in forming a relationship with me and 2) inform me why not.

With this blog my intention is to impact the need for people to put their thoughts on speakerphone to air for whoever they think will listen. Many people partake in that practice. It robs them of their power and at best annoys the listener

The Special that Wasn't

I just returned from a four-day mini vacation in San Diego. Without going into too much detail, my trip was the perfect blend of nightlife and tourism. Future blogs will elaborate on my trip to attractions such as the San Diego County Fair, the Zoo, Balboa Park, Hotel Del as well as Old Town San Diego. However today I want to share with you about my outing to a bar in Pacific Beach (PB) called Tremors.

On 4th of July I went to Tremors—a bar which appeals to the post college kids in their early to mid twenties. The large menu offers many specials with fine print and exceptions. For example, Happy Hour specials are not available on Holidays. Which seems fair. Yet, my Dutch eye was drawn to the “Beer of the Month…July” offering Sam Adam’s Summer Ale for $2.50. In black and white with no disclaimers. My cheap self knew what I’d be getting my drink on with for the birthday of our country.

I order my drink from our waitress to be informed that the “Beer of the Month” is not available on the 4th of July.

“It doesn’t say that on the menu.”

“Yes, we didn’t print anything to change it out.”

“Well, then you should honor the price you advertised.”

“I can’t.”

“Can I see your manager?”

“Sure”

A few minutes later a 25-year-old punk wearing a Boston Red Sox cap approaches my table. Combative from the start he says, “You wanted to see me?”

Hint: Say you are sorry.

“Yes, you are advertising a beer for $2.50 but I understand that is not available at that price.”

“Yes, but we cannot change those out every week.”

Every week? You have only had this special for a few days.

“Well it’s false advertising?”

“Well if you wanna make a legal issue about it go ahead.”

Hint: Don’t say that unless you are 100% certain you are not 1) talking to a lawyer or 2) talking to someone with a lot of time on their hands.
He follows it by saying, “What do you want me to do about it?

“I want you to make it right.”

“If I made it right for you I would have to make it right for 500 other people who are here today.”

“Well then you should do that.”

Hint: This would be a good time to offer a round on the house.

“I cannot do that.”

“Well then I plan on fully reporting this incident” (because I have a lot of time on my hands and I know lawyers).

At which point he responded, “Do what you want to do,” and walked away from our table.

Nice.

We stayed at the bar for a number of reasons. First and foremost, I was determined to see how it played out. Also, we were meeting friends. I ordered the “Beer of the Month…July” at the full price. I enjoyed my first pint; however when I ordered my second one I was informed they were out of that draft.

Really?!? You don’t even stock enough of the beer of the month to get you through the first week of the special? Really?!?

People need to stop tolerating BS like this. Hold businesses and managers accountable to keep their promise however big or small. I stayed at Tremors only as a source of mischief. If I had not seen to opportunity I would have left. I invite you all to join me in not exposing all things unworkable. What are you putting up with or stepping over in your day-to-day life?

Viva the Midwest

Last week a friend returned from a trip to Minnesota with a farmer’s tan. Upon his return an OC (Orange County) native asked, in earnest, “How can you have a sunburn? Doesn’t it only snow there?” In that moment it became clear that some people—whom I thought were making jokes about the weather—really think of the Midwest as ALWAYS being cold, bleak and snowy. When they inquire, “Won’t you miss being able to tan if you move back to Chicago?” They are not joking.

I intend to move back to the Midwest for a multitude of personal reasons; notably, the people I care about most live there. However, the relocation is bittersweet given in the last 4 months I have deepened and developed some profound friendships. Prior to my departure,I would like to dispel a few myths for those people shielded by the Orange Curtain.

1. Anything East of Arizona is not considered “The East.”

2. Michigan is called “The Great Lake State.” These lakes are a collection of fresh water seas located along the US and Canada border. To memorize them in grade school we learned HOMES—Huron, Ontario, Michigan, Erie and Superior. Together they form the largest collection of fresh water lakes on the earth holding 20% of all surface water. Plus, no sharks.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_great_lakes

3. Lake Michigan--bounded by Michigan, Indiana, Illinois and Wisconsin—is the 5th largest lake in the world. I will not bore you with its length and depth but suffice it to say, no you cannot see across it.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lake_Michigan

4. “California Style Boots” is an oxymoron. Even the most fashionable boots should never be worn in temperatures greater than 60 degrees.

5. One should never wear Down, or what you know as poofy jackets, in temperatures above 45 degrees. Which means the other day when it was 71 out that is just wrong.

6. Most places in the United States of America encounter what are known as “Four Seasons.” Spring. Summer. Fall. Winter. True, Spring and Fall may only last for a month combined; yet, they do happen.

7. And I know this one is bitchy, for the “Land of Looking Good” you aren’t all that.

8. California is not the only state in which there is “a lot to do.” Grand Rapids, MI houses the “La Grande Vitesse” by Alexander Calder, which inspired many other cities to purchase “outdoor art.” Between the Great Lakes Beaches, the Art, the Theater, the Sports, the Amusement Parks, and the like the Midwest offers many opportinties to entertain oneself. More than in OC.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/La_Grande_Vitesse

9. Lakers Fans are not more blessed than Chicago fans. First or all, Phil Jackson has won 11 Championships…5 with the Lakers and 6 with Chicago. Not to mention The Bears, The Hawks, and The White Sox….

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sports_in_Chicago

10. The Midwest is the perfect blend of East Coast (New York) and West Coast (California) we relax and we get things done.

By no means am I launching an indictment on Orange County or So Cal…I just thought this might be an educational blog. Please pipe in.