Viva the Midwest

Last week a friend returned from a trip to Minnesota with a farmer’s tan. Upon his return an OC (Orange County) native asked, in earnest, “How can you have a sunburn? Doesn’t it only snow there?” In that moment it became clear that some people—whom I thought were making jokes about the weather—really think of the Midwest as ALWAYS being cold, bleak and snowy. When they inquire, “Won’t you miss being able to tan if you move back to Chicago?” They are not joking.

I intend to move back to the Midwest for a multitude of personal reasons; notably, the people I care about most live there. However, the relocation is bittersweet given in the last 4 months I have deepened and developed some profound friendships. Prior to my departure,I would like to dispel a few myths for those people shielded by the Orange Curtain.

1. Anything East of Arizona is not considered “The East.”

2. Michigan is called “The Great Lake State.” These lakes are a collection of fresh water seas located along the US and Canada border. To memorize them in grade school we learned HOMES—Huron, Ontario, Michigan, Erie and Superior. Together they form the largest collection of fresh water lakes on the earth holding 20% of all surface water. Plus, no sharks.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_great_lakes

3. Lake Michigan--bounded by Michigan, Indiana, Illinois and Wisconsin—is the 5th largest lake in the world. I will not bore you with its length and depth but suffice it to say, no you cannot see across it.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lake_Michigan

4. “California Style Boots” is an oxymoron. Even the most fashionable boots should never be worn in temperatures greater than 60 degrees.

5. One should never wear Down, or what you know as poofy jackets, in temperatures above 45 degrees. Which means the other day when it was 71 out that is just wrong.

6. Most places in the United States of America encounter what are known as “Four Seasons.” Spring. Summer. Fall. Winter. True, Spring and Fall may only last for a month combined; yet, they do happen.

7. And I know this one is bitchy, for the “Land of Looking Good” you aren’t all that.

8. California is not the only state in which there is “a lot to do.” Grand Rapids, MI houses the “La Grande Vitesse” by Alexander Calder, which inspired many other cities to purchase “outdoor art.” Between the Great Lakes Beaches, the Art, the Theater, the Sports, the Amusement Parks, and the like the Midwest offers many opportinties to entertain oneself. More than in OC.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/La_Grande_Vitesse

9. Lakers Fans are not more blessed than Chicago fans. First or all, Phil Jackson has won 11 Championships…5 with the Lakers and 6 with Chicago. Not to mention The Bears, The Hawks, and The White Sox….

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sports_in_Chicago

10. The Midwest is the perfect blend of East Coast (New York) and West Coast (California) we relax and we get things done.

By no means am I launching an indictment on Orange County or So Cal…I just thought this might be an educational blog. Please pipe in.