Adventures in Passport Photos

Earlier this week, I wrote of my thwarted attempts at obtaining a Michigan Drivers License with the end goal being a passport so I can participate in the Bud Light Port Paradise III in December.


My sister and I left West Michigan early Friday morning, driving to the Passport Office in downtown Detroit. Those of you not familiar with Michigan culture, we might have well been visiting another country.

Without any struggle and in awe of the congeniality of everyone we interacted with we go to Greek Town for lunch. Literally we wonder if they do drugs in the back room? We figure it must be payday and they are happy to have jobs in Detroit. My representative even told me he was going to Google me and read AD/OC.

As the waitress delivers the pizza to our table, my phone rings flashing a 313 area code. Recognizing the incoming call is from the Detroit area I answer. The male on the other end informs me that I need a different picture, as you cannot see my eyes in the one I submitted. He requests, if I am still in the Detroit area, a new photograph.

Problem: I was actually happy with my initial print. I even applied mascara, concealer and powder prior to taking said picture. These days, I am rarely bothered to wear pants with buttons let alone make-up.* As we were speaking about the problems I might encounter using said image I thought (luckily to myself) “I am going on a Booze Cruise it’s not like I am going to Yemen.” Unbeknownst to me there is some sort of Fed Ex terror threat involving said country currently occurring in the real world.

Luckily, in the main floor of the building is a shop that provides passport photos while you wait guaranteed. ** After gorging myself on Stuffed Chicago Style Pizza, we drive back to 211 West Fort Street.

As I am getting out of the car I ask Rachel how I look. Her response, “You could look worse.”

The sign on the door says, “Be Back in Five Minutes.” After waiting for ten minutes—with an expanding assortment of people—a clerk begins his shift. I pay $12.50 and return back to the second floor to deliver the new picture.

Bigger Problem: In the retake I opened my eyes really wide hence the new image could be confused for Ramona Singer’s Mug Shot. Crazy Eyes all the way. If I knew how to use Photoshop, I would have some fun with my Facebook Profile avatar.

As I hand them to the earlier clerk, he apologizes informing me that the approval for photo’s in subjective. Thankfully, I keep my smart-ass mouth in check about Yemen or terrorists.

Rachel and I are en route to the Coach Outlet in Howell when she starts to laugh and says, “You just look so insane in your picture.”

Nice. I am second guessing inviting you to join me in the Bahamas.

Coach is having a big sale and I get a purse for an additional seventy percent off the ticket price.*** Better yet, I find a purple passport case for twenty percent off; given purple is my favorite color I must have it.

As we head home, I start to laugh out loud asking Rachel, “Do you think the Coach Case will make me seem less insane in my picture.

“Probably Not.”

Fed Ex delivered the book this morning. I disagree the holder makes me look a teensy weensy bit more sane. Or maybe just less embarrassed. My likeness is contained in a purple Designer case. Whoever wants to mock me can kiss my ass.

For you enjoyment I have included both photos****. Again, please refer to the last sentence of the paragraph above….

Smooches!

*Except lipstick.

**Really not sure what the guaranteed part means but they had in italics in three different signs so it bears mentioning.

***The Dutch Girl in me delights at such bargains thus must purchase.

****They were taken less than a week apart so no I did not suddenly develop a pumpkin head in honor of Halloween.