He's not a Jerk....He Just Cannot Do Two Things at Once

Frustrated in line at a coffee shop, everything was annoying me. The slowness of the server, the fact that the girl in front ordered a soy something or other, then she is digging for exact change. The barista is holding the cup for the drip coffee while he stands idly waiting on soy something or other girl. The café manager in me silently screams, you idiot pour the coffee while she savages for 11 cents. WAKE UP you have a line forming. Be efficient. I am 2 seconds from an audible and disempowering sigh accompanied with an eye roll when it occurs to me…he is a man and can only do one thing at a time. They can only hunt one animal at a time and they can only produce one result at a time.

I have heard for years that men are single focused. I never truly knew what that meant until that moment.

Later that evening I am chatting on Facebook, I notice that the chat with men is contemplative, slow and systematic compared to the women who are firing off messages like life depends on it and covering three topics in one thread. Single focus.

So many times, I jump to unfavorable conclusions sitting in a bar feeling ignored while the guy I am with watches the game NOT talking to me, “Is something wrong?” “Just watching the game” Huh? I can watch the TV and have a discussion at the same time. Must just be an excuse for NOT conversing with me. I pout and what had been a pleasant outing takes a turn for the worst. Football finished, he finally notices my sour mood asking, “What’s wrong?” “Nothing,” I retort thinking let’s play tit for tat. Sadly, we were not playing anything until I started it. Men cannot simultaneously watch baseball and disregard me because that would be doing two things.

When I turned 28, my dad forgot phone me to wish me a Happy Birthday. He knew it was my birthday when he left the house but forgot while he was driving to Detroit for the day. I was baffled.

So many times I have not understood when a man says, “Sorry, I couldn’t call you back I was doing blah blah blah….” Yeah, right. You couldn’t stop doing blah blah blah and call me? If you really cared you would call me. You must not love me. No. He is a hunter and if he doesn’t kill that animal (blah blah blah) the entire village could die or he wouldn’t be able to provide.

Understanding this clarifies why men think I am nuts when I jump to unfavorable conclusions which to the female brain make sense. The coven always validates my point of view. “If my boyfriend did that, I would break up with him!” “What a jerk!” “You believe him?” “He could have called.”

Men are not complicated; however, I have been making them outright sinister creating uncalled for conflict. This destructive direction of thinking turns me, a usually confident woman, into a needy, insecure, whiney teenage girl. When I am like that I am neither attractive to men or myself.

The barista provided me with coffee but a practical example of single focus. He led me to an inquiry which has much of my relationships with men make sense. In the long run, the server’s inability to multitask will prevent fights and the ugliness that ensues.