The Anti Cougar

Last week I met an old friend for lunch. When talk turned to my boyfriend, who is 19 years my senior, the first question was, “Do you need to use the little blue pill?”

I have consistently dated men older than me. Maybe by a year or two however usually closer to a decade or more. Hence the concept of being a Cougar occurs as foreign to me. By no means am I belittling the older woman/younger man dynamic if it works for you. What irks me is that Cougars are celebrated in society while the older man/younger woman pairing raises questions.

If a man dates a woman 8 or more years his senior he is a stud. When a woman sees an older man she is a gold digger who’s sex life relies on pharmaceutical help. Rarely do you hear the term “trophy husband” but it’s feminine equivalent is commonplace.

People applauded Demi when she married Ashton but questioned Catherine’s motives and sanity when she wed Michael Douglas. When the ladies get together for cocktails they give one another a, “You Go Girl” when sharing about younger boyfriends while referring to the men their age dating the same aged woman as a letch or among a midlife crisis.

On the show COUGARTOWN the character if Grayson is constantly criticized for dating younger vacuous women. The stereotype being that we who enjoy the company of older men are idiots who only serve a purpose when we are on out backs. Or scheming sluts stealing single mates from woman of substance. How many plots involve a youthful siren seducing someone’s spouse versus some young stud stealing some middle-aged wife?

Consider that older men and younger woman can be compatible. Just as the opposite can be true. Perhaps, we should stop evaluating relationships and allow people be content with whomever they choose.

I do not have daddy issues. I am a strong independent woman who has a partner who encourages me to be ever more self-reliant. Are there generational differences? Yes. Are they insurmountable? No.

Though my relationship has been rocky at times, I am blessed to have someone in my life who is my hero, my champion and listens to me as bigger than I know myself to be. Who understands and supports me. Who cares about my happiness and would do anything for me. That is not a function of age but of genuine friendship and love.

I will assert to him I am more than just arm candy. I supply something in the relationship that is not a function of age but my unique personality, intelligence and talents.

A wise friend once said, “The only two people who know what is going on a relationship are the people who are in it.” So let’s make a deal. I won’t evaluate you and you don’t judge me.

I sense this is a topic about which many readers will have an opinion. I am curious to hear from you. What do you think about Cougars? Younger woman? What’s the biggest age difference you’ve ever had in your relationships?



http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=cougar