Be a Man: Part Two

The other day, I was sitting at the pool talking with a friend of mine. She had recently received full physical custody of her 5 year old; also, the judge ordered that the father of said child spend more time with his daughter as he rarely called or initiated visitation. Sunday, three hours prior to the court arranged pick up, he texted to inform his ex he wouldn’t be able to take care of their daughter this week. A Man is takes care of his children. Said another way, Men father their children.

In my blog BE A MAN: PART ONE I wrote, “Men--real, healthy men--want to provide for and protect woman. Not just their wives, girlfriends, sister or daughters but all women. I heard a man say today, ‘A real man will drop everything and be there for you. Please give me space to be what I instinctively want to be.”

The way a Penis Person fathers speaks volumes in communicating if he is a Man or a “Not Man.” Men father while “Not Men” donate sperm and—perhaps--have play dates with their offspring.

Examples of “Not Men” donating sperm run rampant in both divorced and married families. The guy who puts his new girlfriend or wife before the welfare of his child is a “Not Man.” The guy who does not step and provide is a “Not Man.” The guy who does not spend quality time with their children is a “Not Man.” Yet, all of this is ignored, if not accepted, by society. We, men and women alike, must stop tolerating this from anyone. True, calling someone on their bad behavior can be uncomfortable; however, as cliché as it sounds, children are the future.

I ran into a boy who had just been grounded for three months. THREE MONTHS. Curious, I inquired as to what he did to be grounded the better part of summer. Drinking? Pot? Curfew violation? No, he gave his mom his dad’s cell phone number. What the hell is wrong with people?

Guys, once you make a baby you will—NO MATTER WHAT—be intertwined with the mother of said child. If, for whatever reason, you part ways you still need to interact. Resisting it or being shitty about it only makes your child suffer. So be a man and protect and provide for your child including making nice with their mother.

Ladies, if you are involved with a man who has a child partner with them to make sure they are a good father. Would you want him to treat your child that way? If the answer is no then the next question should be, “Why are you with him?” Their child should be their number one priority.

I have dated men with children in the past. Their dedication to their children is part of the attraction. It proves to me that they are men. Take a moment and acknowledge the great fathers in the world.

Be a Man: Part One

This weekend I fell in love…

…with men.

As opposed to boys, or what I refer to as “Not Men”

I participated in a Workshop called “Celebrating Men and Marriage” and was, once again, reminded about the magic and marvel of the male gender.

As I write this I am indulging in my favorite dirty secret, LIFETIME, finding myself disgusted by the depiction of men in our society. They are not these cheating, greedy, egocentric people but rather extraordinary individuals.

I know many of you are thinking, “Yeah, but what about the guy who….” The problem is those are NOT MEN they are boys. Alas, age is irrelevant when it comes to a man becoming and being a man.

Men--real, healthy men--want to provide for and protect woman. Not just their wives, girlfriends, sister or daughters but all women. I heard a man say today, “A real man will drop everything and be there for you. Please give me space to be what I instinctively want to be.”

A MAN cares about offering safety and security for women which could look like walking you home late a night, checking to make sure your locksmith is good, making sure you did not spend too much on a gift.

Any Penis Person who does not do so is not a MAN; he might have a male body; yet is, indeed, a boy. I have seen 40-year-old who are great examples of 18-year-old boys and 18-year-olds who are great example of 40-year-old men. Ladies, you know the difference and stop waiting for them to grow up.

A number of years ago I dated a man who in many ways was a boy. He had money and all the appearances of an adult; however, he was 40 and hosted keggers that lasted till dawn and often broken up by the police. A cross between the Great Gatsby and Peter Pan, he was a boy in a large man’s body. I waited and waited for him to man up; alas, he never did. I do not regret the time invested or the experience because without it I would not be in the relationship I am in today. Yet, my message is don’t waste time and don’t reward bad behavior. Men acting like boys have little to offer society or you.

And guys, if you are a boy in a man’s body please grow up, be a man and be a provider for the women of the world. I promise you--life will alter.

http://www.understandmen.com/

Introducing the "Not Man"

Today, while lying by my pool I met Robert. I know within minutes his destiny is to be the subject of today’s blog. The first thing that strikes me about him was his lack of mental clarity. I fully invoke my right to recycle Robert in future blogs because the more I think about it the more Robert serves as an example of a “Not Man.

I am fortunate enough to be in a relationship with a Man which allows me the ability to distinguish the “Not Man,” who is separate and not as recognizable as the metro sexual. Think of the annoying Frat Boy who graduated from college 10 years ago and still does keg stands and you acquire a sense of the “Not Man.”

On this perfect So Cal day; I am alone at the pool, when Robert enters the gates and sits in the chaise right next to me. Wearing a gray t-shirt, black nylon running pants with white stripes, white ankle sports socks and brown leather Teva Sandals that he could not be bothered to Velcro shut, he looks like a tool. Accessorized with large white-rimmed designer sunglasses and the baseball hat he isn’t wearing because his has styled his gray hair into a fauxhawk. Bigger tool. Not Sexy.

He says hi and to be polite I reply hi back. He introduces himself and I return the nicety. He then asks, “how you doing?” “Fine and you.” Which is when Robert, within a minute of our conversation complains, “I wish I could get more hours at work. My hours have been cut and I am digging into my savings to pay rent. I just don’t see it getting any better. The economy you know.” Now I begin to think I am dealing with a “Not Man.” A man fundamentally wants a woman to think he can provide for her, supply safety and be strong. A Man would not reveal such details to a women he just met at the pool (or a bar or church). Too much information, Robert.

Willing to give him the benefit of the doubt, I inquire what he does for a living. I know lots of people who have really great careers where the hours have been cut. Robert stocks shelves at mini marts. He proceeds to tell me how it seems like all the jobs are taken by foreigners and goes on to state he should probably get a second job but he’s too lazy. Now I know I talking to a “Not Man” as he would rather spend his savings than do what it takes to provide for himself. A Man wants to feed his village, Robert is quite content to either only eat berries or devour the dear the real hunter shot.

I won’t bore you with the whole conversation but the highlight (pun intended) is his comment on my hair. He doesn’t say I like your color, he pronounces, “I should get blond streaks like yours.” Instantly, I imagine the gray fauxhawk with beached tips. I really have no idea why he offers this information and really wish he hadn’t. Now I take out my phone to surf Facebook. He notifies he isn’t going to be out for long he “just wants to catch some rays.” And he has someone waiting in his apartment for him.

He takes of the shirt. I won’t say much about his physique other than ask the question, “Do they make training bras for man boobs?” And please appreciate he puts the shirt around his head to protect his gray hair.

After 45 Minutes of, “catching some rays,” he returns to whomever he has waiting in his apartment.

I wrote about Men being Men but to know what is looks like when a Man is being a Man you have to be able to recognize the “Not Man.” Robert provides the perfect example. To all the “Not Men” of the world please be men.

Am I being too harsh on “Not Man” Robert? Women, what do you think? Men, pipe in with other “Not Man” qualities and characteristics of being a Man.