The other day, I was sitting at the pool talking with a friend of mine. She had recently received full physical custody of her 5 year old; also, the judge ordered that the father of said child spend more time with his daughter as he rarely called or initiated visitation. Sunday, three hours prior to the court arranged pick up, he texted to inform his ex he wouldn’t be able to take care of their daughter this week. A Man is takes care of his children. Said another way, Men father their children.
In my blog BE A MAN: PART ONE I wrote, “Men--real, healthy men--want to provide for and protect woman. Not just their wives, girlfriends, sister or daughters but all women. I heard a man say today, ‘A real man will drop everything and be there for you. Please give me space to be what I instinctively want to be.”
The way a Penis Person fathers speaks volumes in communicating if he is a Man or a “Not Man.” Men father while “Not Men” donate sperm and—perhaps--have play dates with their offspring.
Examples of “Not Men” donating sperm run rampant in both divorced and married families. The guy who puts his new girlfriend or wife before the welfare of his child is a “Not Man.” The guy who does not step and provide is a “Not Man.” The guy who does not spend quality time with their children is a “Not Man.” Yet, all of this is ignored, if not accepted, by society. We, men and women alike, must stop tolerating this from anyone. True, calling someone on their bad behavior can be uncomfortable; however, as cliché as it sounds, children are the future.
I ran into a boy who had just been grounded for three months. THREE MONTHS. Curious, I inquired as to what he did to be grounded the better part of summer. Drinking? Pot? Curfew violation? No, he gave his mom his dad’s cell phone number. What the hell is wrong with people?
Guys, once you make a baby you will—NO MATTER WHAT—be intertwined with the mother of said child. If, for whatever reason, you part ways you still need to interact. Resisting it or being shitty about it only makes your child suffer. So be a man and protect and provide for your child including making nice with their mother.
Ladies, if you are involved with a man who has a child partner with them to make sure they are a good father. Would you want him to treat your child that way? If the answer is no then the next question should be, “Why are you with him?” Their child should be their number one priority.
I have dated men with children in the past. Their dedication to their children is part of the attraction. It proves to me that they are men. Take a moment and acknowledge the great fathers in the world.
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Alyssa, Ithought part 1 made me cry.... Well I was wrong this one part 2 was the kicker. I appreciate everything you are saying in this I just hate being part of this group... understand I am not crying for anything other then my daughter it makes me think that I somehow made the wrong choice in picking a man to make my child with.. I just wish there was someone bold enough around, the Ex to tell him that he is exactlly what you are saying... I knew watign for part 2 would be worth the wait.... I appriceat you in my life so much ... Thank you for being you ..
ReplyDeleteI think there is something cultural that shifted in men in America beginning in the 70s. The Baby Boom Generation had shifted America socially into freedom of expression, freedom of choice, and the empowerment of all people everywhere, especially women and minorities.
ReplyDeleteDivorces became more common place and the traditional family lifestyle became outdated. Cultural roles shifted as women demanded equal rights in all areas of life, and men were convinced to get in touch with their "feminine sides." Women no longer had to be dependent on a man for their survival.
My generation, Gen X, and the following generation have grown up with the legacy of splintered families. The young boys of Gen X were raised with weekend Dads and had very few real good male role models. The boys in these divorced households were impaired without a template to build from.
They grew up, started families of their own, became the dead-beat dads, and in some cases never married.
A lot of these boys from divorced families were raised by single moms. Moms are awesome, but cannot take the place of a solid male role model.
My point is that two generations of boys have grown up with weak male role models and as a result mimick or imitate these poor role models.
On the flip side, girls were raised to be empowered, confident, and strong. In essence, they were encouraged to take more traditional masculine roles.
I think this has produced the phenomena of our time in the world of male-femail relationships; feminized men and masculinized women have skewed our historical gender roles. (This isn't necessarily bad, but it has created social upheaval.)
Still, women love and are attracted to real men. Men are attracted to real women.
As I see it, what needs to be done is to invent a new paradigm: allow men and women to find their own self expression where men are empowered to be men and women to be women. The roles are self-defined and invented. Let's create a future where everyone can achieve his/her best possible self.
Culturally we need to consider future generations. What kind of a world and legacy can we leave them?
Going back is not the answer. I propose we look at creating conversations and inventing a possible future where communities work together to raise children. The concept of a traditional nuclear family may be a thing of the past, but we can create an extended family in it's place.
If we all take on the world as family, all humans are empowered to pursue their best selves.
Give me 110% custody and I will be overjoyed to provide 200% suport for my child, but I WILL NOT suport the drug adicted, abusive, piece of shit mother!!!! The problem is that society and the courts automatically assume that the egg doner is a better parent then the father, and that's just not reality!
ReplyDeleteYou had a baby with a drug addicted, abusive, peice if shit woman. I am not saying the courts are right but that kid is YOUR kid and you have an obiligation to support him or her. Regardless of how you feel about the woman you stuck you dick in.
ReplyDelete