This weekend I attended a course called UNDERSTANDING WOMAN—UNLOCKING THE MYSTERY. One might wonder why I took a course to learn how to understand myself. I even questioned it. Thankfully, I ignored my arrogant ego telling me I know my gender and myself. In April, I wrote a blog called “I am not the Better Man….Now What?” This weekend I answered that question. To quote Alison Armstrong, who led the course and created PAX Programs, “You’re not crazy; you’re a woman.”
I have always exhibited impulsive behavior; which in moments of clarity seem insane even to me. Upon being hurt I would lash out and attempt to destroy the person or people who hurt me—sometimes anyone who was in my path. I would say and do things that seemed irrational at best. My mom called this being a “needling Bitch.” Yep, life is going along then someone—a parent, my sister, my friends, my boyfriends and even my bosses—would say or do something that hurt me and I would start to exhibit unstable behavior such as telling my mom that “I never felt loved” and all the evidence I had since I was born. Instead of charming, adorable Alyssa a demon took over my body. I could not stop.
The aftermath of this detrimental behavior was distance in my relationships and immense shame. Committing to never have it happen again, I would go to work on myself and could go weeks or months until it happened again. I thought there was something very wrong with me.
This weekend Alison introduced me to “Rage Monster.” And every woman has one.
Something happens. Something is said or not said. Something is done or not done. Women figure out what it means from their feminine perspective that is really to say, “what would it mean if it did this?” The answer always results in hurt feelings. Emotional hurting, for a woman, is a physical experience: effecting breathing, posture and ability to make eye contact. We curl up in a ball or lay straight in our bed and “Rage Monster” takes over. The first thing that occurs after the possession is it access the “past offence file.” Thoughts become dominated by “On June 25th when I was wearing the Red Dress you (assaulting party) did ___________.” “Oh, and five years ago on September 1, at that Labor Day party _____________ happened.”
The “past offence file” exists of things which, when sane, didn’t upset us at the time but get automatically saved so “Rage Monster” has ammunition. When they happened we were not upset.
“Rage Monster” exists for a sole purpose—total destruction of the person who hurt me. A dialogue plays in our heads and it takes the raw material and edits for the most injurious attack.” Like it says, “Pause. No we can do better. Take the Labor Day Party and lead with that followed by….”
You might feel compelled to fight with the “Rage Monster.” Not a good idea. At all. At. All. It thrives on the opponent’s energy. You engaging in an argument excites it. Saying things like, “I didn’t hurt your feelings I just___________” is fuel.
“Rage Monster” possesses our bodies and we have very little control. The real authentic us is in a very tiny place in the back of our brain but unable to intervene in the situation. Yet, a small part of us knows, as we say what we say, how idiotic the content is.
Given the laughter of recognition from the men and women in the course; the rage monster is not unique to only me. After about 30 years to know this is common to many women is liberating. I am not crazy and I am not the only one allowing the shame and fear melted away. Now, I have the opportunity to understand, apologize for, and combat “Rage Monster.”
Ladies and Gentleman, I am interested in finding out about your experiences of “Rage Monster.” Also, if you are interested in finding out how to effectively combat it please visit www.understandmen.com and sign up for the course, as it will change your life.
Showing posts with label Satisfying Women. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Satisfying Women. Show all posts
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
The Sacred Art of Self Nurturing
This weekend I participated in the workshop Celebrating Women, Regarding Ecstasy and Power, informally known as the Queen Course; a follow up to the Celebrating Men, Satisfying Women course I took at the end of March.
As you may recall from my blog, “I am not the Better Man now What?” I have been grappling with what does it mean to be feminine. This workshop provided, if not absolute answers, a direction to turn on my new journey.
As with several courses, various topics were covered but what has stuck with me, as well as alter my life, was in the realm of meeting needs. Women have many requirements which we frequently neglect as we take care of ourselves after everyone and everything. So much so that we may not even know what we need. Ladies, think about it, when was the last time you thought about or articulated your needs?
Simple things like sleep, water, exercise and eating will get ignored in the day to day of life. Men, you may be surprised to know that women wait until the very last possible minute to take care of primary things like lunch or going to the bathroom.
However, if we are not taking attending to our needs we are of no use to anyone, Men, given their genetic make up, can run on fumes; however, this does not work for women. Case in point, after a year and a half of giving all of myself to my job while ignoring diet rest I found myself extremely anxious. The first thing I altered what my sleep habits. I demanded of myself and my environment that I got eight hours of sleep a night. Almost immediately I found myself calm and centered. I now know I am absolutely useless if I do not slumber for 7 hours and 45 minutes a night.
What shocked me most in the workshop was how much I neglect my grooming needs. As I have previously stated, I used to work between 70-80 hours a week. I was lucky if I got laundry done let alone haircuts, color, brow waxes and the like. Things that I was ritualistic about fell by the wayside. What was always a 6-week recurrence became a 12-week luxury that sometime occurred in the break room of my workplace. After every haircut I would thank my Hairdresser, Jill Vaughan (Salon Ambiance in Huntington Beach, CA), for making me look pretty again.
Forget about any skin care regime or other forms of pampering. I had results to produce.
So yesterday, following the workshop, I joined friend, Holly Noble, to a Mary Kay meeting. She informed me upfront that I was not required to buy anything or became an associate; however, I must be willing to have fun and put on cosmetics. Not a problem. I sat and learned that Mary Kay’s facial scrub and moistening lotion are cheaper than the Neutrogena products I buy at the drug store. I refreshed myself on the makeup lessons I learned when I hosted a Mary Kay Party when I was 19. I found out how long it takes to get a car and that Mary Kay. At the completion of the evening, I was given the opportunity to give a 30 second advertisement on a product of my choice. I spoke of Celebrating Men, Satisfying Women. I then went on to purchase the Miracle Package—my first skin care regime of my adult life. Suddenly, I found myself taking care of a need.
Followed by today, I went to Salon/Spa Ambiance for a simple haircut. I arrived at 11:40. I left at 4:45. What started out as a shampoo and a trim ended up being a pedicure, hour-long massage, brow wax, and mini facial. Said another way, I inadvertently enjoyed a spa day. For the first time in my life.
Hair and pedicures are requirements the rest was pure nurturing.
First, the massage. I tried to remember the last time I had one…but I cannot. It has been at least five years. What I can recall is I was such a control freak back them that it was more like a resistance exercise with a personal trainer. Today, I reveled in the breakthrough of being able to surrender my body to the hands of the therapist. Only once, when she was working my right triceps did she have to tell me to relax. In short, it was pure bliss.
Now the facial, I have only ever had one before today. Unlike, the massage, I remember it vividly. Summer 1996 at the now defunct Grand Experience Day Spa (located off of Michigan Avenue on Delaware) performed by Ewa the Polish Estition, she gave me an acne facial which resulted in every pour on my face swelling. Some people refer to facials as relaxing…me not so much. I never ever ever wanted to pay for that again.
I avoid brow waxes for one reason; I do not want them to tell me I need a facial. They might as well say, “you have acne.” A fact of which I am painfully aware and do not need to pay someone to tell me. Yet, today when Katherine spoke to me about getting one I was inspired. Like she might be able to help. I took a leap of faith in an area of life where I had been resigned (my skin) for the second time in 24 hours. After all I had invested in the Miracle Package I it owed Mary Kay (and Holly) to provide a clean canvas for it to perform.
Prior to the Queen Course I would never have given myself the gift of a spa day. Too much time, too much money and too indulgent would have been my reasons. However, now I know that not only am I worth it; moreover, I am nothing without having my grooming needs met.
So a BIG shout out to Jill Vaughan, Sopi and everyone at Salon/Spa Ambiance for providing this Queen with exactly what she needed. As well as to the Unstoppable Holly Noble at Mary Kay. You gals’ rock!
Ladies, where can you see you are neglecting your needs? Men, I know you could read this as a “girl thing” yet for the sake of your mothers, sisters, wives, girlfriends and daughters encourage a woman to pamper herself and see what opens up. You might be surprised.
In the meantime time please check out the following:
www.marykay.com/hnoble
www.understandingmen.com
Affiliate ID 429912
http://www.salonambiance.biz
As you may recall from my blog, “I am not the Better Man now What?” I have been grappling with what does it mean to be feminine. This workshop provided, if not absolute answers, a direction to turn on my new journey.
As with several courses, various topics were covered but what has stuck with me, as well as alter my life, was in the realm of meeting needs. Women have many requirements which we frequently neglect as we take care of ourselves after everyone and everything. So much so that we may not even know what we need. Ladies, think about it, when was the last time you thought about or articulated your needs?
Simple things like sleep, water, exercise and eating will get ignored in the day to day of life. Men, you may be surprised to know that women wait until the very last possible minute to take care of primary things like lunch or going to the bathroom.
However, if we are not taking attending to our needs we are of no use to anyone, Men, given their genetic make up, can run on fumes; however, this does not work for women. Case in point, after a year and a half of giving all of myself to my job while ignoring diet rest I found myself extremely anxious. The first thing I altered what my sleep habits. I demanded of myself and my environment that I got eight hours of sleep a night. Almost immediately I found myself calm and centered. I now know I am absolutely useless if I do not slumber for 7 hours and 45 minutes a night.
What shocked me most in the workshop was how much I neglect my grooming needs. As I have previously stated, I used to work between 70-80 hours a week. I was lucky if I got laundry done let alone haircuts, color, brow waxes and the like. Things that I was ritualistic about fell by the wayside. What was always a 6-week recurrence became a 12-week luxury that sometime occurred in the break room of my workplace. After every haircut I would thank my Hairdresser, Jill Vaughan (Salon Ambiance in Huntington Beach, CA), for making me look pretty again.
Forget about any skin care regime or other forms of pampering. I had results to produce.
So yesterday, following the workshop, I joined friend, Holly Noble, to a Mary Kay meeting. She informed me upfront that I was not required to buy anything or became an associate; however, I must be willing to have fun and put on cosmetics. Not a problem. I sat and learned that Mary Kay’s facial scrub and moistening lotion are cheaper than the Neutrogena products I buy at the drug store. I refreshed myself on the makeup lessons I learned when I hosted a Mary Kay Party when I was 19. I found out how long it takes to get a car and that Mary Kay. At the completion of the evening, I was given the opportunity to give a 30 second advertisement on a product of my choice. I spoke of Celebrating Men, Satisfying Women. I then went on to purchase the Miracle Package—my first skin care regime of my adult life. Suddenly, I found myself taking care of a need.
Followed by today, I went to Salon/Spa Ambiance for a simple haircut. I arrived at 11:40. I left at 4:45. What started out as a shampoo and a trim ended up being a pedicure, hour-long massage, brow wax, and mini facial. Said another way, I inadvertently enjoyed a spa day. For the first time in my life.
Hair and pedicures are requirements the rest was pure nurturing.
First, the massage. I tried to remember the last time I had one…but I cannot. It has been at least five years. What I can recall is I was such a control freak back them that it was more like a resistance exercise with a personal trainer. Today, I reveled in the breakthrough of being able to surrender my body to the hands of the therapist. Only once, when she was working my right triceps did she have to tell me to relax. In short, it was pure bliss.
Now the facial, I have only ever had one before today. Unlike, the massage, I remember it vividly. Summer 1996 at the now defunct Grand Experience Day Spa (located off of Michigan Avenue on Delaware) performed by Ewa the Polish Estition, she gave me an acne facial which resulted in every pour on my face swelling. Some people refer to facials as relaxing…me not so much. I never ever ever wanted to pay for that again.
I avoid brow waxes for one reason; I do not want them to tell me I need a facial. They might as well say, “you have acne.” A fact of which I am painfully aware and do not need to pay someone to tell me. Yet, today when Katherine spoke to me about getting one I was inspired. Like she might be able to help. I took a leap of faith in an area of life where I had been resigned (my skin) for the second time in 24 hours. After all I had invested in the Miracle Package I it owed Mary Kay (and Holly) to provide a clean canvas for it to perform.
Prior to the Queen Course I would never have given myself the gift of a spa day. Too much time, too much money and too indulgent would have been my reasons. However, now I know that not only am I worth it; moreover, I am nothing without having my grooming needs met.
So a BIG shout out to Jill Vaughan, Sopi and everyone at Salon/Spa Ambiance for providing this Queen with exactly what she needed. As well as to the Unstoppable Holly Noble at Mary Kay. You gals’ rock!
Ladies, where can you see you are neglecting your needs? Men, I know you could read this as a “girl thing” yet for the sake of your mothers, sisters, wives, girlfriends and daughters encourage a woman to pamper herself and see what opens up. You might be surprised.
In the meantime time please check out the following:
www.marykay.com/hnoble
www.understandingmen.com
Affiliate ID 429912
http://www.salonambiance.biz
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