Meet "Rage Monster"

This weekend I attended a course called UNDERSTANDING WOMAN—UNLOCKING THE MYSTERY. One might wonder why I took a course to learn how to understand myself. I even questioned it. Thankfully, I ignored my arrogant ego telling me I know my gender and myself. In April, I wrote a blog called “I am not the Better Man….Now What?” This weekend I answered that question. To quote Alison Armstrong, who led the course and created PAX Programs, “You’re not crazy; you’re a woman.”

I have always exhibited impulsive behavior; which in moments of clarity seem insane even to me. Upon being hurt I would lash out and attempt to destroy the person or people who hurt me—sometimes anyone who was in my path. I would say and do things that seemed irrational at best. My mom called this being a “needling Bitch.” Yep, life is going along then someone—a parent, my sister, my friends, my boyfriends and even my bosses—would say or do something that hurt me and I would start to exhibit unstable behavior such as telling my mom that “I never felt loved” and all the evidence I had since I was born. Instead of charming, adorable Alyssa a demon took over my body. I could not stop.

The aftermath of this detrimental behavior was distance in my relationships and immense shame. Committing to never have it happen again, I would go to work on myself and could go weeks or months until it happened again. I thought there was something very wrong with me.

This weekend Alison introduced me to “Rage Monster.” And every woman has one.

Something happens. Something is said or not said. Something is done or not done. Women figure out what it means from their feminine perspective that is really to say, “what would it mean if it did this?” The answer always results in hurt feelings. Emotional hurting, for a woman, is a physical experience: effecting breathing, posture and ability to make eye contact. We curl up in a ball or lay straight in our bed and “Rage Monster” takes over. The first thing that occurs after the possession is it access the “past offence file.” Thoughts become dominated by “On June 25th when I was wearing the Red Dress you (assaulting party) did ___________.” “Oh, and five years ago on September 1, at that Labor Day party _____________ happened.”

The “past offence file” exists of things which, when sane, didn’t upset us at the time but get automatically saved so “Rage Monster” has ammunition. When they happened we were not upset.

“Rage Monster” exists for a sole purpose—total destruction of the person who hurt me. A dialogue plays in our heads and it takes the raw material and edits for the most injurious attack.” Like it says, “Pause. No we can do better. Take the Labor Day Party and lead with that followed by….”

You might feel compelled to fight with the “Rage Monster.” Not a good idea. At all. At. All. It thrives on the opponent’s energy. You engaging in an argument excites it. Saying things like, “I didn’t hurt your feelings I just___________” is fuel.

“Rage Monster” possesses our bodies and we have very little control. The real authentic us is in a very tiny place in the back of our brain but unable to intervene in the situation. Yet, a small part of us knows, as we say what we say, how idiotic the content is.

Given the laughter of recognition from the men and women in the course; the rage monster is not unique to only me. After about 30 years to know this is common to many women is liberating. I am not crazy and I am not the only one allowing the shame and fear melted away. Now, I have the opportunity to understand, apologize for, and combat “Rage Monster.”

Ladies and Gentleman, I am interested in finding out about your experiences of “Rage Monster.” Also, if you are interested in finding out how to effectively combat it please visit www.understandmen.com and sign up for the course, as it will change your life.