Entitlement and Obligation

In my former job, my boss would frequently call me into her office at 5:55. The workday ended at 6:00. She would have some question about something that did not involve a five minutes or less response and usually could have waited until the next morning. I seldom left that job at the agreed on ending time.

Before that I worked at a café and more often that I can count someone would come in about a minute before closing and be shocked that we were out of coffee and some people would go so far as demand that we make more which we did.

My old roommate worked in a job where she interfaced with the public all day long. We are talking 50-60 calls a day plus the people she talked to one on one. Amazingly, when she was clearly bundled and packed up ready to go home someone, either her coworkers or a customer, would need something from her and have something that they must tell her at that moment. Irritation about this simmered in me for months. Eventually I told a customer with whom I had a friendly relationship, “She is leaving work. She works here and she is leaving. How would you feel if we came to your job and demanded your attention while you were trying to exit the building?” The customer had never thought about it that way. She just knew that she had her agenda and my roommate would oblige.

How would you feel if you were leaving work, ON YOUR WAY OUT THE DOOR, and someone stopped you for something that was not critical? Would you be annoyed? Would you be upset? Probably. Why? Because when you are ready to leave work you are ready to leave work! The person who has stopped you is so tunnel visioned that they cannot think of anything except their agenda that is does not register for them that you are leaving. They may not even see your coat or be aware of the time. In short, they are in their own little world. However, how many times have you been the person to do the stopping? How many times are you in your own little world? The key here is to be present to others. What is going on with them? Oh, they are wearing their coat, their computer is packed up and they have their bag…I probably should save this till tomorrow. As children we knew when to tread lightly with our parents and when we could get away with anything, as we were keenly aware of what was in our best interest. As adults we have lost that perception and replaced it with entitlement.

Why did I stay late to answer question, fix some report, or help send an email? Why did we make that pot of coffee for one patron? Why was my roommate always great with those customers and coworkers? In each situation, we felt like we had to. Conversely, in accommodating them we trained them that it was acceptable. If I hadn’t stayed late my former boss would have learned to ask me those things at 4:30 or 5:00. The customers who had us make a pot of coffee that we knew would be wasted now thinks that he or she can do that and similar things at other service places. We train the people in our lives as to what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior and then become martyrs that they “do” that to us. Nobody does anything to us we let them.

The perpetual circle continues because the entitled will continue to be entitled and the obligated will continue to be obligated. The more the obligated oblige the more the entitled feel entitled. Then the obligated go elsewhere and feel entitled because of their sacrifice. And so on and so on.

What are your thoughts on this? Have you given it any thought until now? Are you entitled? Are you obligated?