Lately, I have been uninspired.
I am writing this for multiple reasons. First of all, I hope that in just typing and writing something opens up for me creatively. Secondly, I have a commitment to blog every other day and I must honor that. Thirdly, maybe the input of the readers of this blog will shake something loose.
Maybe it is less uninspired and more overwhelmed. I am in a phase of actively examining my life and creating what is next in my life.
Maybe it is less overwhelmed and more paralyzed with fear about failing. I find myself fighting the urge to create any plan or vision for my future. Each day I head to the pool with the intention of writing something, anything, about my future only to listen to the music or to waste time on mobile Facebook. I escape in reruns of Season Two of THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF NEW YORK, FRAISER and WILL AND GRACE.
My dreams and aspirations are big and a small part of me is resisting going for them. The hostile little voice in my head says things like, “that will never happen,” “you are not that good,” “You are too old to change the course now,” and “what if it doesn’t turn out and you end up worse than before?” Intellectually, I know that is just bullshit but lately I feel my familiar friend anxiety to creeping back into my life.
Usually, when this happens I will put of a happy face and hide my concerns from everyone. That habit does not serve me so I am testing something new; sharing with whoever reads this what is so in my world. I think resignation is repugnant and do not want to burden anyone with my silly self-doubt.
So if anyone has helpful advice or solutions please pipe in.
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Alyssa,
ReplyDeleteYou're at a crossroads. The good thing is you have choices in which direction you take in life. The bad thing is you are responsible for the choice.
So, be straight with yourself, and ask what really matters and go for it. If you fail, you fail. You are a strong, powerful, and bold woman. You have a super network of friends who have your back.
You're good to go. Carpe Diem, baby!!!
@ dgraham, well said and you hit the nail on the head....
ReplyDeleteOften I've felt the same way. I have a journal entry with those same words "paralyzed with fear about failing"
ReplyDeleteAt times I've stopped myself from posting because I didn't feel it was perfect. Recently, someone told me "Better done than perfect." Surprisingly that has helped.
I was also told to make an apt. for a later date for my doubt or the 'hostile little voice' Tell those voices we'll meet on Friday but for now I have things to do.
Go for it girl.
sounds like you have the creative musings of an artists , chase the dream, random chance i passed and just a random observation
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