Today, after 72 hours of solitude I ventured out to engage in human contact. I went to my old office to pick up some Surfer girl dresses a girlfriend had purchased for me. Seemingly mundane and non-blog worthy, I know. Read on.
At her suggestion, I take the clothes to the bathroom to try on…just in case. Certain, these mediums will fit me, I am normally a small/size 6. The first one, the Blue, Swell, Tunic Dress shirt fits like a charm. Onto the O’Neill Bombay Dress in multi, a triangle halter top with nylon rope straps and uber cute. A wee bit tight as I pull it over my shoulders but once it is on it looks really good. I think I’ll keep it. Time to try on the Lucy Love Almost Famous Maxi Dress. Oh, wait this isn’t coming off. Crap. I succeed in my struggle to get it past my chest. Oh no, my shoulders, though not broad, are wider than my chest. I think I am trapped in this dress. I may have to cut it off my body. WHAT AM I GOING TO DO? Ok, get Christine. Embarrassed, I don’t want to…she will see my boobs. She’s a mother, though not old enough to be my mom, she will know what to do. Pull it down, tie it up and head out to find help. I locate her in the copier room. “I need you help getting out of this dress,” I inform her. “Let me look, you didn’t tie it here,” she suggests. “Tying is not going to help me get out of the dress!” “Ok let’s get you out of this dress.” “Let’s go to the bathroom.” “Oh you are right, not here.”
Back to the bathroom/fitting room we go. Christine asks me if I have tried untying it, I tell her I am not am idiot. Oh, dear she declares. Can you kneel? I will do whatever it takes to get out of this dress, it’s pretty but I do not want to wear this all summer. Of course I can kneel. I am now on my knees while she is pulling the dress over my head, “Oh dear, ok, suck in you breasts. Now suck in you shoulders. What just ripped? We are taking this back!” Now the dress is off me. I am standing in the bathroom of my former workplace with a friend braless and afraid to try on anymore clothes.
I have not had human contact in three days and my first outing ends up with me topless, after being trapped in a dress, in the bathroom of my ex-employer with my good friend. Does this shit happen to other people? I suspect, not so much.
Here is my question. Who is wearing this dress? I am a small/size six. My breasts are diminutive (though perfect and perky) in size. Blessed I am, I am able to buy anything off the rack or online and have it fit me. The only person who could wear this is a ten year old with boobs.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
He's not a Jerk....He Just Cannot Do Two Things at Once
Frustrated in line at a coffee shop, everything was annoying me. The slowness of the server, the fact that the girl in front ordered a soy something or other, then she is digging for exact change. The barista is holding the cup for the drip coffee while he stands idly waiting on soy something or other girl. The café manager in me silently screams, you idiot pour the coffee while she savages for 11 cents. WAKE UP you have a line forming. Be efficient. I am 2 seconds from an audible and disempowering sigh accompanied with an eye roll when it occurs to me…he is a man and can only do one thing at a time. They can only hunt one animal at a time and they can only produce one result at a time.
I have heard for years that men are single focused. I never truly knew what that meant until that moment.
Later that evening I am chatting on Facebook, I notice that the chat with men is contemplative, slow and systematic compared to the women who are firing off messages like life depends on it and covering three topics in one thread. Single focus.
So many times, I jump to unfavorable conclusions sitting in a bar feeling ignored while the guy I am with watches the game NOT talking to me, “Is something wrong?” “Just watching the game” Huh? I can watch the TV and have a discussion at the same time. Must just be an excuse for NOT conversing with me. I pout and what had been a pleasant outing takes a turn for the worst. Football finished, he finally notices my sour mood asking, “What’s wrong?” “Nothing,” I retort thinking let’s play tit for tat. Sadly, we were not playing anything until I started it. Men cannot simultaneously watch baseball and disregard me because that would be doing two things.
When I turned 28, my dad forgot phone me to wish me a Happy Birthday. He knew it was my birthday when he left the house but forgot while he was driving to Detroit for the day. I was baffled.
So many times I have not understood when a man says, “Sorry, I couldn’t call you back I was doing blah blah blah….” Yeah, right. You couldn’t stop doing blah blah blah and call me? If you really cared you would call me. You must not love me. No. He is a hunter and if he doesn’t kill that animal (blah blah blah) the entire village could die or he wouldn’t be able to provide.
Understanding this clarifies why men think I am nuts when I jump to unfavorable conclusions which to the female brain make sense. The coven always validates my point of view. “If my boyfriend did that, I would break up with him!” “What a jerk!” “You believe him?” “He could have called.”
Men are not complicated; however, I have been making them outright sinister creating uncalled for conflict. This destructive direction of thinking turns me, a usually confident woman, into a needy, insecure, whiney teenage girl. When I am like that I am neither attractive to men or myself.
The barista provided me with coffee but a practical example of single focus. He led me to an inquiry which has much of my relationships with men make sense. In the long run, the server’s inability to multitask will prevent fights and the ugliness that ensues.
I have heard for years that men are single focused. I never truly knew what that meant until that moment.
Later that evening I am chatting on Facebook, I notice that the chat with men is contemplative, slow and systematic compared to the women who are firing off messages like life depends on it and covering three topics in one thread. Single focus.
So many times, I jump to unfavorable conclusions sitting in a bar feeling ignored while the guy I am with watches the game NOT talking to me, “Is something wrong?” “Just watching the game” Huh? I can watch the TV and have a discussion at the same time. Must just be an excuse for NOT conversing with me. I pout and what had been a pleasant outing takes a turn for the worst. Football finished, he finally notices my sour mood asking, “What’s wrong?” “Nothing,” I retort thinking let’s play tit for tat. Sadly, we were not playing anything until I started it. Men cannot simultaneously watch baseball and disregard me because that would be doing two things.
When I turned 28, my dad forgot phone me to wish me a Happy Birthday. He knew it was my birthday when he left the house but forgot while he was driving to Detroit for the day. I was baffled.
So many times I have not understood when a man says, “Sorry, I couldn’t call you back I was doing blah blah blah….” Yeah, right. You couldn’t stop doing blah blah blah and call me? If you really cared you would call me. You must not love me. No. He is a hunter and if he doesn’t kill that animal (blah blah blah) the entire village could die or he wouldn’t be able to provide.
Understanding this clarifies why men think I am nuts when I jump to unfavorable conclusions which to the female brain make sense. The coven always validates my point of view. “If my boyfriend did that, I would break up with him!” “What a jerk!” “You believe him?” “He could have called.”
Men are not complicated; however, I have been making them outright sinister creating uncalled for conflict. This destructive direction of thinking turns me, a usually confident woman, into a needy, insecure, whiney teenage girl. When I am like that I am neither attractive to men or myself.
The barista provided me with coffee but a practical example of single focus. He led me to an inquiry which has much of my relationships with men make sense. In the long run, the server’s inability to multitask will prevent fights and the ugliness that ensues.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Let Men be Men
In my early twenties, I looked after a lovely little boy named Charlie. I started to baby-sit him at age 3 and continued to take care of him until his family moved right prior to him starting first grade. The little prince, small for his age with a mop of naturally curly sandy blonde hair that he hated, was all boy and the sweetest one at that. Upon my entering his house he would say, “Awyssa, you wook so pretty today.” He would proceed to grab the first available object and give it to me stating, “I maded this for you.” Once we were going to his friends’ house for dinner and he very somber sat me down, holding my hand, to notify me, “I might tawk to my friends more that you. Don’t be sad. We will spend time together water.” I would tuck him in at night and he would say, “I wanna cuddle.” I remember sitting with my friend Amy and her very active toddle Jack. We had a conversation with him about how he was never going to be disrespectful towards women. How do these little boys start out so sweet? What happens to them in puberty?
It isn’t puberty. It’s women. We disempower these little heroes to the point where they become the men we complain about as adults. No mother, aunt, grandmother, babystitter, teacher or girlfriend intends to do this but by the time they are in their college years they are so afraid of getting in trouble, yelled at, eliminated by a women that they became the creatures we hoped they would never be. We take princes and turn them into frogs. We are frog farmers.
I literally collect of frogs. An abundance of little frogs—candles, figurines, flannel and cotton nightshirts. I once had underwear with frogs on them. I have Peter Gabriel singing, “Kiss that Frog” live in my Itunes. All to remind me, you have to kiss an excruciating number of frogs to locate your prince. Why would you kiss them if you didn’t think they were a prince in the first place?
How many times have you started a new relationship and you knew you were dating an attentive, affectionate, thoughtful, peaceful prince yet as the relationship progressed he turned into a frog? I have farmed many frogs in my lifetime. Complaining, whining, withholding, mothering, taking over what they are doing, disappoving (including rolling your eyes and the curt “fine”), ignoring, interrupting, comparing them to other men or boys, and trying to be the better man is just a sampling of the fertalizer available to launch a frog farm. Who doesn’t do that right? How are you going to get men to do what you want them to do? Well, did you do those things when you first started dating? Probably not, because we don’t do those things to princes.
Exploring my significantly disastrous dating life, I realize the reason for breakdowns in my relationships is I have not allowed men be men. Convinced they are going to screw me over, not desire me, or find someone better I attempt to disempower them so that I don’t get my heartbroken. From my first love to the current relationship I notice this to be true. The problem begins the moment we, as women, unknowingly, lay the fertilizer for a frog farm given men cannot win which considering their competitive nature they are not going to play a game that they cannot succeed. For the average woman this clarifies why it looks like they take their ball and go home.
As women, a man dismays us when he fails to do what we, as females, would do in that situation. Men are not women. Men are men. DNA does not allow them to do what we would do. Let men be men and boys be boys and see what opens up for you.
To all the healthy, honorable men I have dated, I am sorry for making you a product of my frog farm.
It isn’t puberty. It’s women. We disempower these little heroes to the point where they become the men we complain about as adults. No mother, aunt, grandmother, babystitter, teacher or girlfriend intends to do this but by the time they are in their college years they are so afraid of getting in trouble, yelled at, eliminated by a women that they became the creatures we hoped they would never be. We take princes and turn them into frogs. We are frog farmers.
I literally collect of frogs. An abundance of little frogs—candles, figurines, flannel and cotton nightshirts. I once had underwear with frogs on them. I have Peter Gabriel singing, “Kiss that Frog” live in my Itunes. All to remind me, you have to kiss an excruciating number of frogs to locate your prince. Why would you kiss them if you didn’t think they were a prince in the first place?
How many times have you started a new relationship and you knew you were dating an attentive, affectionate, thoughtful, peaceful prince yet as the relationship progressed he turned into a frog? I have farmed many frogs in my lifetime. Complaining, whining, withholding, mothering, taking over what they are doing, disappoving (including rolling your eyes and the curt “fine”), ignoring, interrupting, comparing them to other men or boys, and trying to be the better man is just a sampling of the fertalizer available to launch a frog farm. Who doesn’t do that right? How are you going to get men to do what you want them to do? Well, did you do those things when you first started dating? Probably not, because we don’t do those things to princes.
Exploring my significantly disastrous dating life, I realize the reason for breakdowns in my relationships is I have not allowed men be men. Convinced they are going to screw me over, not desire me, or find someone better I attempt to disempower them so that I don’t get my heartbroken. From my first love to the current relationship I notice this to be true. The problem begins the moment we, as women, unknowingly, lay the fertilizer for a frog farm given men cannot win which considering their competitive nature they are not going to play a game that they cannot succeed. For the average woman this clarifies why it looks like they take their ball and go home.
As women, a man dismays us when he fails to do what we, as females, would do in that situation. Men are not women. Men are men. DNA does not allow them to do what we would do. Let men be men and boys be boys and see what opens up for you.
To all the healthy, honorable men I have dated, I am sorry for making you a product of my frog farm.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
How I Spent my Weekend.....or What Men Really Want
When I was asked what I wanted to accomplish out of participating in Celebrating Men Satisfying Women the response came quickly. I wanted to stop disempowering men, learn what it means to be feminine, be more trusting and secure in my relationship, and understand why men do what they do. Admittedly, I was somewhat skeptical as I have taken a lot of courses and these issues had never been handled. Nevertheless, I had been hearing about the course for years. I had friends who took it whenit was still offered in Chicago. Then when it wasn’t, I had friends who flew to New York to participate. Furthermore, it seems now more people in my social circle have done it than those who haven’t. Every woman raves about it and I trust them so what do I have to lose. They have a money back guarantee and I have time on my hands.
Through the years, men have told me that a woman has everything to say about how a relationship goes. Really, I date strong men and they seem to want a say too? They would tell me, “men really want the women in their life to be happy.” Um, then why do they willingly keep doing things that they know will make me unhappy? They’d say, “Men are simple.” How simple can they be when I don’t understand why they do over half of what they do? They couldn’t answer my why questions? If men cannot answer my questions about men then why should I believe what they say? I will go to my faithful female friends, otherwise known as the coven. Men are clueless they would verify. He’s an asshole they would affirm. I wouldn’t put up with that shit they would announce. They would proceed tell me how they would address the situation, which I would act up. Things never ever ever turned out well. Fights and breakups often ensued.
So as more and more of my friends participated in this class they started to reiterate what men had been telling me for years. How could this be? Maybe I should check it out. So all things being right in the universe I registered for the class.
OMG! Why did I wait so long? If I had know what I was missing I would have flown from Chicago to New York YEARS ago. However, I think now is the perfect time for me to do this course. All my training and development not only added to, but also allowed for, me being ready for what this workshop taught. Out of my participation, I was able to pinpoint those ways of thinking, acting and being that had my relationships with men work and those that really really did not. I know that my unique skill set only made the experience richer.
What makes this program exceptional in that it is written by a woman and delivered by a woman. The only people who participate are women. The content is based on interviewing thousands upon thousands of men. The course is not an uniformed women talking about what they thing men want. It is relaying what men have said they want and how they think. My mind was blown by how men think, operate and relate to the world.
Throughout the class, I had about 100,000 moments when I understood why my life with men looked the way it did. Including the good, the bad and the ugly.
I will blog more about the specifics. I acquired everything I wanted and so so soooooo much more. Now it is possible for me is being satisfied with my relationships and not having to be in man-mode to produce a result.
So stay tuned. Men, I want to know from you what your thoughts are about this. What relationship advice can you give? What do you want women to know about men? Women who have done this program pipe in! Coven members, who have not, speak up too!
I love you all…
Through the years, men have told me that a woman has everything to say about how a relationship goes. Really, I date strong men and they seem to want a say too? They would tell me, “men really want the women in their life to be happy.” Um, then why do they willingly keep doing things that they know will make me unhappy? They’d say, “Men are simple.” How simple can they be when I don’t understand why they do over half of what they do? They couldn’t answer my why questions? If men cannot answer my questions about men then why should I believe what they say? I will go to my faithful female friends, otherwise known as the coven. Men are clueless they would verify. He’s an asshole they would affirm. I wouldn’t put up with that shit they would announce. They would proceed tell me how they would address the situation, which I would act up. Things never ever ever turned out well. Fights and breakups often ensued.
So as more and more of my friends participated in this class they started to reiterate what men had been telling me for years. How could this be? Maybe I should check it out. So all things being right in the universe I registered for the class.
OMG! Why did I wait so long? If I had know what I was missing I would have flown from Chicago to New York YEARS ago. However, I think now is the perfect time for me to do this course. All my training and development not only added to, but also allowed for, me being ready for what this workshop taught. Out of my participation, I was able to pinpoint those ways of thinking, acting and being that had my relationships with men work and those that really really did not. I know that my unique skill set only made the experience richer.
What makes this program exceptional in that it is written by a woman and delivered by a woman. The only people who participate are women. The content is based on interviewing thousands upon thousands of men. The course is not an uniformed women talking about what they thing men want. It is relaying what men have said they want and how they think. My mind was blown by how men think, operate and relate to the world.
Throughout the class, I had about 100,000 moments when I understood why my life with men looked the way it did. Including the good, the bad and the ugly.
I will blog more about the specifics. I acquired everything I wanted and so so soooooo much more. Now it is possible for me is being satisfied with my relationships and not having to be in man-mode to produce a result.
So stay tuned. Men, I want to know from you what your thoughts are about this. What relationship advice can you give? What do you want women to know about men? Women who have done this program pipe in! Coven members, who have not, speak up too!
I love you all…
Friday, March 26, 2010
Every Itunes Tells a Story
In January I visited Chicago. I returned from my short trip not knowing who I was anymore. After living in Chicago for 15 years I have a rich set of memories in which I played many roles ranging from student (I have a BFA in Theatre from DePaul University), intern, barista, assistant, friend, lover, fundraiser…you get the picture.
My plane landed at John Wayne Airport (yes that is the name of the OC airport) and I felt lost in every area of my life.
A little over a year and half ago my company offered me a promotion in Newport Beach, CA. I moved brimming with possibility and the idea that I could reinvent myself. I had not played any part...except I relocated for the role I had been cast which was my job. I became my job. My identity was my job and very little else. I let my job dictate to me who I was. To be responsible I never committed to living in California presently so I put very little effort building or creating a life. Moreover, I stopped doing the things that nurtured me like knitting and reading.
By January, my anxiety was getting the better of me. As side symptom of ADD, I get anxious and sometimes have full blown panic attacks. I felt disconnected from myself. I had to do something. I wanted to be peaceful.
Step number one was to take care of myself. I started to demand of myself that I get no less than 7 hours of sleep a night.
The next thing was to make a doctors appointment and start medication for my ADD.
In taking those two actions, the fog started to lift. I began to become present to all the unworkablity around me that I had either caused or ignored. I wanted to be peaceful.
Here we are in March and I have the opportunity to take the next step in my path to self-discovery. I am no longer working so I am no longer my job. I now sit in my apartment with a lot of free time asking myself questions like who am I and what is next for me? What do I want? When should I eat lunch?
Strangely related to this inquiry is for the first time in over 2 years I have access to my Itunes music library. Music has always been something I relate to a time, a memory and/or a feeling. For New Years 2004, I created a five hour-long play list chronologically retelling the year through song. I am personally attached to my collection. Today, I spent hours cleaning it up and discovering what’s there. Doing so it is like reading (or rather listening to) my biography. Air Supply’s Making Love Out of Nothing At All reminds me of my friend Amy and my History Teacher Walt Gawkowski, who had a freakish obsession with the band. I have two versions of Desperado (Linda Ronstadt and The Eagles) and You’ve Got to Hide Your Love Away (The Beetles and Eddie Vedder) from the years I was “sorta seeing” a commitment challenged, Pearl Jam loving, trader (and yes I wrote years). I ripped Ani DiFranco’s Fixing Her Hair, Bette Midler’s The Girl in Onto You, and I’ll Never Fall in Love Again (Elvis Costello and Burt Bacharack) when that train wreck of a relationship concluded. I downloaded Wish You Were Here because it reminds me of Redmond’s, an establishment I went to my first year at DePaul. I purchased Maggie May for my roommate and her significantly younger boyfriend. Each song tells my history and evokes a recollection of the past. It brings me a little closer to who I was. And it is a giant missing that I haven’t had access or added to it in over 2 years. It is like I have musical amnesia. So now is the time to take all those unknown pieces of me and create a new play list telling the tale of life in 2010. I made some additions to my Itunes today which include songs that remind me of laying by my pool last summer (Kid Rock, Pink and Beyonce), or the people I have met along the way (Bringing Sexy Back for Abbie), or my boyfriend (Toes by the Zac Brown Band).
In order to know where you are going you need to know where you came from.
For the weekend Project Organize Itunes is put on hold while I attend Celebrating Men, Satisfying Women with the intention of stopping emasculating men and learing what it means to feminine. www.effectivewomen.com
I will blog about the seminar. In the meantime, I have a few questions for you. What does your ipod say about you? What story does it tell?
My plane landed at John Wayne Airport (yes that is the name of the OC airport) and I felt lost in every area of my life.
A little over a year and half ago my company offered me a promotion in Newport Beach, CA. I moved brimming with possibility and the idea that I could reinvent myself. I had not played any part...except I relocated for the role I had been cast which was my job. I became my job. My identity was my job and very little else. I let my job dictate to me who I was. To be responsible I never committed to living in California presently so I put very little effort building or creating a life. Moreover, I stopped doing the things that nurtured me like knitting and reading.
By January, my anxiety was getting the better of me. As side symptom of ADD, I get anxious and sometimes have full blown panic attacks. I felt disconnected from myself. I had to do something. I wanted to be peaceful.
Step number one was to take care of myself. I started to demand of myself that I get no less than 7 hours of sleep a night.
The next thing was to make a doctors appointment and start medication for my ADD.
In taking those two actions, the fog started to lift. I began to become present to all the unworkablity around me that I had either caused or ignored. I wanted to be peaceful.
Here we are in March and I have the opportunity to take the next step in my path to self-discovery. I am no longer working so I am no longer my job. I now sit in my apartment with a lot of free time asking myself questions like who am I and what is next for me? What do I want? When should I eat lunch?
Strangely related to this inquiry is for the first time in over 2 years I have access to my Itunes music library. Music has always been something I relate to a time, a memory and/or a feeling. For New Years 2004, I created a five hour-long play list chronologically retelling the year through song. I am personally attached to my collection. Today, I spent hours cleaning it up and discovering what’s there. Doing so it is like reading (or rather listening to) my biography. Air Supply’s Making Love Out of Nothing At All reminds me of my friend Amy and my History Teacher Walt Gawkowski, who had a freakish obsession with the band. I have two versions of Desperado (Linda Ronstadt and The Eagles) and You’ve Got to Hide Your Love Away (The Beetles and Eddie Vedder) from the years I was “sorta seeing” a commitment challenged, Pearl Jam loving, trader (and yes I wrote years). I ripped Ani DiFranco’s Fixing Her Hair, Bette Midler’s The Girl in Onto You, and I’ll Never Fall in Love Again (Elvis Costello and Burt Bacharack) when that train wreck of a relationship concluded. I downloaded Wish You Were Here because it reminds me of Redmond’s, an establishment I went to my first year at DePaul. I purchased Maggie May for my roommate and her significantly younger boyfriend. Each song tells my history and evokes a recollection of the past. It brings me a little closer to who I was. And it is a giant missing that I haven’t had access or added to it in over 2 years. It is like I have musical amnesia. So now is the time to take all those unknown pieces of me and create a new play list telling the tale of life in 2010. I made some additions to my Itunes today which include songs that remind me of laying by my pool last summer (Kid Rock, Pink and Beyonce), or the people I have met along the way (Bringing Sexy Back for Abbie), or my boyfriend (Toes by the Zac Brown Band).
In order to know where you are going you need to know where you came from.
For the weekend Project Organize Itunes is put on hold while I attend Celebrating Men, Satisfying Women with the intention of stopping emasculating men and learing what it means to feminine. www.effectivewomen.com
I will blog about the seminar. In the meantime, I have a few questions for you. What does your ipod say about you? What story does it tell?
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Cold Beers and Diet Coke as well as Frozen Pizza
I bought a black-market refrigerator. Or it might as well be.
Landlords in So Cal do not supply refrigerators. Huh? Yep, odd but true. Even stranger is people native to this area think it is normal to have to move the large necessary appliance. I have heard of people in Manhattan who’s showers are located in their kitchen...that seems more normal than renters have to furnish their own fridge.
When I moved to OC I had many concerns. One of which was a refrigerator. How was I going to keep my beer and diet coke chilled and my pizza frozen when I wanted to buy a new couch but I might be stuck having to purchase a large cooling device. So I went to my favorite website at the time Craigslist Orange County and typed in Fridge as an item to purchase. I was stunned by the results. So many to choose from in make, model, size, and price point. Literally, hundreds of used refrigerator which put my mind at ease that I would not have to head to the nearest Sears. For example, today I did the same search and stopped counting at 36 posted today.
Finally it is move in day from my new apartment. I run over to get the keys and sign for the delivery of my red leather couch. I opted not to buy a fridge until I had residence of the apartment because most vendors on Craigslist seem to have an urgency to make the deal. Also, for $30 a month I can rent one. I once again search the available items and find a unit for $100 that must be sold that day. I call the college student who is cleaning out her storage unit and arrange pick up. I call my coworker Rob who has a Pickup truck and a refrigerator dolly. Having to move a fridge is such a common occurrence that people own dollies. Rob gets lost coming to pick me up and we are on a time crunch to get to the place before it closes. We make it there with minutes to spare. I hand the girl cash as we load my purchase and off we go. Mind you, I did not even check to see if it worked just handed some lady my money and took the goods. It was a nice fairly new fridge pretty, she was moving in with her boyfriend and they did not need two of them. She seemed honest.
We head back to my place to unload the fridge. Everything is going great. We measure the opening. We are sliding the fridge in but then it seems to get stuck. We push. And push some more. The fridge stops moving. The wall must be bowed. Great, now there is a large hole in the wall. Nice. And I do not have a way to keep my beer and diet coke chilled and pizza frozen. Oh and there is a fridge in the middle of my teeny tiny kitchen. Lovely.
That was on Sunday.
Back to Craigslist I go to buy another used refrigerator and sell the one I have. Oh, this poster is buying and selling. This might be the ticket, as he appears to be a fridge broker. I contact him. He calls me back. I tell him I have a good fridge but it doesn’t fit and I am interested in the 18 inch. He will sell me a “new” one that fits the criteria, buy mine drop off and pick up for $75.00. I am paying him to downgrade to a smaller older appliance. But beers and diet coke have got to be cool and pizza has to be frozen.
A rainy Thursday Night in December, the underground Kenmore salesman calls me. It is time to make the drop. I start to get worried because really who sells/purchases large kitchen items at 11:00 at night in the rain in a geographical location where rain is rare. What do I really know about this person? This could be a front for some sort of serial killer. I better bring Rob. Everything was legit (as legit as a Fridgidaire purchase and a Whirlpool sale from the back of a pick up truck can be).
All is well. I now have a lovely, no frills Hotpoint fridge with coils in the back. I think my mom and dad might have owned it in their first apartment. I am not energy efficient and probably pay through the nose to electricity but at least the beer and diet coke is cool and the pizza is frozen.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Sunday was not Funday
Today, I got inspired to tackle tasks I have been avoiding. Primarily transfer my Itunes from my old computer and pictures from my digital camera onto my laptop. In order to do this I have to get on a bus and go the Staples, which is ok because I really need a case for the computer too. I dig out the coupons they gave me when I purchased it. I finally make it to the store. Ooh, pens. I need pens. I really like Uniballs. Staples is a big store and I will not bore you with my ADD aisle by aisle however, I never knew that Staples could offer such an outlet for impulse shopping. They make these cute little skins for like everything. At one point I had to go back and get a basket because I could not hold everything in my arms. I make my way to the cable aisle…I ask the guy what I need. I explain to him that I need to move the Itunes from my old computer that I bought in 2000 to my new laptop. After a few questions I learn that Belkin makes any easy transfer cable that allows one to move things from XP to Windows 7. Easy Peasy. Check out time. In line I decide that the wireless mouse can wait which means I don’t need the mouse pad. And I don’t need the case and the skin. The skin is cute but the bag is more practical. I still need the pens.
Back home. Soon I will have access to my 5000 plus songs. Crap. I have to download software on to the OLD computer. I don’t have a monitor. I don’t know if it is possible to tether it to my laptop. If it is possible I have no idea how to do that. Oy Vey. This is supposed to be easy. I will have to call my friend Brian tomorrow to see what I need to do. I really wanted to be able to do this myself. Such is life. Ok, well all is not lost. I still have the camera. Find camera. Check. Find USB cable for camera. Check. Download the software. Hold. Not compatible with Windows 7. Crap. Wait, all might not be lost I just bought a cable to transfer things from XP to 7. Oh, did I download the software on that computer? I don’t know. Well, if I did not I will have to hope someone has a solution. I don’t even know where the disk is.
So here I sit with more cords attached to my computer than ICU patient. A large CPU circa 2000 which has a drive for floppies and is nothing more than a large storage for my music. No Itunes and no pictures. I know that it will all get resolved but it is more than a average annoyance.
As I have mentioned in pervious blogs, I have ADD and partially finished projects drive me nuts. Every unfinished chore brings up a swell of memories and validates my disempowering conversation about myself that I am a screw up (again this is a family friendly blog). On the surface it seems like an innocent minor breakdown. To me it is a validation of every crummy thing educators and the like said to and about me when I was growing up. I am reminded of getting yelled at for not doing my homework or not doing it correctly. Mostly, I just feel like a big failure because I cannot complete something that seems so simple.
Back home. Soon I will have access to my 5000 plus songs. Crap. I have to download software on to the OLD computer. I don’t have a monitor. I don’t know if it is possible to tether it to my laptop. If it is possible I have no idea how to do that. Oy Vey. This is supposed to be easy. I will have to call my friend Brian tomorrow to see what I need to do. I really wanted to be able to do this myself. Such is life. Ok, well all is not lost. I still have the camera. Find camera. Check. Find USB cable for camera. Check. Download the software. Hold. Not compatible with Windows 7. Crap. Wait, all might not be lost I just bought a cable to transfer things from XP to 7. Oh, did I download the software on that computer? I don’t know. Well, if I did not I will have to hope someone has a solution. I don’t even know where the disk is.
So here I sit with more cords attached to my computer than ICU patient. A large CPU circa 2000 which has a drive for floppies and is nothing more than a large storage for my music. No Itunes and no pictures. I know that it will all get resolved but it is more than a average annoyance.
As I have mentioned in pervious blogs, I have ADD and partially finished projects drive me nuts. Every unfinished chore brings up a swell of memories and validates my disempowering conversation about myself that I am a screw up (again this is a family friendly blog). On the surface it seems like an innocent minor breakdown. To me it is a validation of every crummy thing educators and the like said to and about me when I was growing up. I am reminded of getting yelled at for not doing my homework or not doing it correctly. Mostly, I just feel like a big failure because I cannot complete something that seems so simple.
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Learning About Love in all the Wrong Places
In my formative years I had many many examples of couples that shaped my view of relationships.
Greg and Jenny, Cliff and Nina, Tad and Dixie Jack and Marlena, Bo and Hope, Josh and Reva, Blake and Krystal, Brenda and Dylan, Kelly and Dylan, Kelly and Brandon lastly the incomparable Luke and Laura.
The Soap Opera Super Couple.
The duo that can succeed over any adverse situation: infidelity, illegitimate children, other spouses, lost fortunes, general deceit, kidnapping, poisoning, parental objections, mafia involvement and even death cannot keep these pairs apart. What makes a super couple a super couple is that no matter what they, and the viewing public know they will end up together and that the should be together. Everyone is actually aware that in the long run they are required to take any means necessary to remarry for the 7th time.
Cliff cheated on an infertile Nina and fathered a child with his mistress then Nina decided to get back at him by sleeping with a mutual friend. Reva married Josh’s sworn enemy when she thought he was dead but that was nothing given she was also at one point in time been wed to his brother and his father. Luke raped Laura but that did not stop them from having the highest watched wedding in Soap history. Decades later, Luke brought Laura back from a coma and remarried her while he was married to another woman. Cliff and Nina are now a happily living together off screen. Reva and Josh ended the series ridding off into the sunset. And we know we have not seen the last of Laura and there will be a Tracy Quartermain and Laura Spencer smack down sometime in the future.
We, the watchers, not only accept but applaud such actions. Why? Everyone is going to root for the super couple. We get upset when the super couple does not end up together. I remember the water cooler conversation when Joey and Dawson did not end up together in the series finale of DAWSON’S CREEK. I did not even watch the show but I will forever know they did not end up together. People spent year invested in there on again off again relationship. We get upset when it looks like one part of the super couple might couple with someone else. How many of you were upset that in the end Kelly and Dylan ended up together? I think Brenda should be with Dylan and Kelly with Brandon. Nobody was happy when Laura was presumed dead but really married to the Cassadines and Luke was courting Holly. And we always hated when Scotty Baldwin arrived on the scene to rescue Laura from her beloved, drunken criminal, Luke.
Luke and Laura are the original super couple. Such duo’s were at their height of fame in the 1980’s with dwindling notoriety through the years. I watched Soaps in the pinnacle of the popularity of the pairs. I cannot help but wonder what inadvertent lessons I might have learned from them. Really, unless one of the partners was a homicidal maniac who ended up dead with a body in the morgue all bets were off. They offered excitement, danger, entertainment, and chemistry.
I wonder how that impacted my relationships and me? I have been know to form inappropriate attachments with the wrong person convinced, at the time, the drama was just part of a relationship and at the end of the day things would settle down and we would walk off into the sunset. I have covertly created crisis when things got calm. I have participated in affairs where I was positive we would prevail as a pairing. I cannot say Daytime TV made me do it, but I do wonder on some unconscious level I want someone to come to blows for and want me the way Josh battled for and desired Reba. To forgive me my wrongs the way Tad forgave Dixie. I do know that in the past few years my ideal about relationships has transformed and now instead of drama I want partnership. Instead of fights I want friendship.
What was the impact of soaps on you romantic ideals? Who were you favorite super couple? How did you feel when Joey and Dawson did not end up together?
Greg and Jenny, Cliff and Nina, Tad and Dixie Jack and Marlena, Bo and Hope, Josh and Reva, Blake and Krystal, Brenda and Dylan, Kelly and Dylan, Kelly and Brandon lastly the incomparable Luke and Laura.
The Soap Opera Super Couple.
The duo that can succeed over any adverse situation: infidelity, illegitimate children, other spouses, lost fortunes, general deceit, kidnapping, poisoning, parental objections, mafia involvement and even death cannot keep these pairs apart. What makes a super couple a super couple is that no matter what they, and the viewing public know they will end up together and that the should be together. Everyone is actually aware that in the long run they are required to take any means necessary to remarry for the 7th time.
Cliff cheated on an infertile Nina and fathered a child with his mistress then Nina decided to get back at him by sleeping with a mutual friend. Reva married Josh’s sworn enemy when she thought he was dead but that was nothing given she was also at one point in time been wed to his brother and his father. Luke raped Laura but that did not stop them from having the highest watched wedding in Soap history. Decades later, Luke brought Laura back from a coma and remarried her while he was married to another woman. Cliff and Nina are now a happily living together off screen. Reva and Josh ended the series ridding off into the sunset. And we know we have not seen the last of Laura and there will be a Tracy Quartermain and Laura Spencer smack down sometime in the future.
We, the watchers, not only accept but applaud such actions. Why? Everyone is going to root for the super couple. We get upset when the super couple does not end up together. I remember the water cooler conversation when Joey and Dawson did not end up together in the series finale of DAWSON’S CREEK. I did not even watch the show but I will forever know they did not end up together. People spent year invested in there on again off again relationship. We get upset when it looks like one part of the super couple might couple with someone else. How many of you were upset that in the end Kelly and Dylan ended up together? I think Brenda should be with Dylan and Kelly with Brandon. Nobody was happy when Laura was presumed dead but really married to the Cassadines and Luke was courting Holly. And we always hated when Scotty Baldwin arrived on the scene to rescue Laura from her beloved, drunken criminal, Luke.
Luke and Laura are the original super couple. Such duo’s were at their height of fame in the 1980’s with dwindling notoriety through the years. I watched Soaps in the pinnacle of the popularity of the pairs. I cannot help but wonder what inadvertent lessons I might have learned from them. Really, unless one of the partners was a homicidal maniac who ended up dead with a body in the morgue all bets were off. They offered excitement, danger, entertainment, and chemistry.
I wonder how that impacted my relationships and me? I have been know to form inappropriate attachments with the wrong person convinced, at the time, the drama was just part of a relationship and at the end of the day things would settle down and we would walk off into the sunset. I have covertly created crisis when things got calm. I have participated in affairs where I was positive we would prevail as a pairing. I cannot say Daytime TV made me do it, but I do wonder on some unconscious level I want someone to come to blows for and want me the way Josh battled for and desired Reba. To forgive me my wrongs the way Tad forgave Dixie. I do know that in the past few years my ideal about relationships has transformed and now instead of drama I want partnership. Instead of fights I want friendship.
What was the impact of soaps on you romantic ideals? Who were you favorite super couple? How did you feel when Joey and Dawson did not end up together?
Friday, March 19, 2010
If you think I am mean now just read
I told a coworker the other day that I used to be a really big bitch. She responded, “Used to be?” I said this is nothing.
My nastiness has invoked my entire family to not talk to me for a week. Literally, my mom and dad screened my calls.
Yep, for those of you who have not known me long, met me since I moved to Orange County, this is nothing. As evidenced recently, I was speaking with my boyfriend and we were talking about emasculating men and he said you are not nearly as big of a bitch as you used to be (he didn’t use the word bitch but rather cruder word but this is a family blog). I inquired if he missed it and he said not so much.
So what is different? I used to be a bitch for all the wrong reasons. I was a bitch so I could protect myself. I was a bitch so I could look good. I was a bitch so you wouldn’t find I out I was a fraud. I was a bitch so you would be afraid of me. I was a bitch so I could get what I wanted. Mostly, I was a bitch because I could be.
For the last few years I have frequently been in a state of examination and evolution. I took a job that demands that I be great with people…. by people I mean everyone not just coworkers and customers but the server at Starbucks. I also moved to California and had an opportunity to reinvent myself. Paramount to the above mentioned reasons, I have reached a point in my life where being a bitch is not what I am committed to anymore. I almost typed that it doesn’t serve me anymore but that is not exactly accurate. I am more committed to loving people and making a difference with them. Occasionally I occur as a bitch however now when it confused with my purpose. Now when I appear bitchy it is usually because I am being straight with someone and they do not like what they hear, or I am blunt, or I do not have the time or inclination to deal with someone’s BS, or I hold them to account, or I am more committed to them that they are to themselves. If that is being a bitch…then I consider it being one for all the right reasons.
Tonight, people were talking to me and thanking me for the love I have provided them. It affirmed for me that my intended result is being produced. If I have to be appear as a bitch then amen!
I would be remiss if I did not take this opportunity to apologize to the people whom I was a bitch to for the wrong reason. So for sure anyone who knew me from say 1974-2008 I am sorry. A special shout out to my family and boyfriends as they really got the worst of it.
So, this entry could open a can of worms. You could comment to tell me what I bitch I have been to you. Bring it on! More importantly, I am interested in your thoughts about being a bitch in honor of something or the misunderstood bitch.
My nastiness has invoked my entire family to not talk to me for a week. Literally, my mom and dad screened my calls.
Yep, for those of you who have not known me long, met me since I moved to Orange County, this is nothing. As evidenced recently, I was speaking with my boyfriend and we were talking about emasculating men and he said you are not nearly as big of a bitch as you used to be (he didn’t use the word bitch but rather cruder word but this is a family blog). I inquired if he missed it and he said not so much.
So what is different? I used to be a bitch for all the wrong reasons. I was a bitch so I could protect myself. I was a bitch so I could look good. I was a bitch so you wouldn’t find I out I was a fraud. I was a bitch so you would be afraid of me. I was a bitch so I could get what I wanted. Mostly, I was a bitch because I could be.
For the last few years I have frequently been in a state of examination and evolution. I took a job that demands that I be great with people…. by people I mean everyone not just coworkers and customers but the server at Starbucks. I also moved to California and had an opportunity to reinvent myself. Paramount to the above mentioned reasons, I have reached a point in my life where being a bitch is not what I am committed to anymore. I almost typed that it doesn’t serve me anymore but that is not exactly accurate. I am more committed to loving people and making a difference with them. Occasionally I occur as a bitch however now when it confused with my purpose. Now when I appear bitchy it is usually because I am being straight with someone and they do not like what they hear, or I am blunt, or I do not have the time or inclination to deal with someone’s BS, or I hold them to account, or I am more committed to them that they are to themselves. If that is being a bitch…then I consider it being one for all the right reasons.
Tonight, people were talking to me and thanking me for the love I have provided them. It affirmed for me that my intended result is being produced. If I have to be appear as a bitch then amen!
I would be remiss if I did not take this opportunity to apologize to the people whom I was a bitch to for the wrong reason. So for sure anyone who knew me from say 1974-2008 I am sorry. A special shout out to my family and boyfriends as they really got the worst of it.
So, this entry could open a can of worms. You could comment to tell me what I bitch I have been to you. Bring it on! More importantly, I am interested in your thoughts about being a bitch in honor of something or the misunderstood bitch.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Entitlement and Obligation
In my former job, my boss would frequently call me into her office at 5:55. The workday ended at 6:00. She would have some question about something that did not involve a five minutes or less response and usually could have waited until the next morning. I seldom left that job at the agreed on ending time.
Before that I worked at a café and more often that I can count someone would come in about a minute before closing and be shocked that we were out of coffee and some people would go so far as demand that we make more which we did.
My old roommate worked in a job where she interfaced with the public all day long. We are talking 50-60 calls a day plus the people she talked to one on one. Amazingly, when she was clearly bundled and packed up ready to go home someone, either her coworkers or a customer, would need something from her and have something that they must tell her at that moment. Irritation about this simmered in me for months. Eventually I told a customer with whom I had a friendly relationship, “She is leaving work. She works here and she is leaving. How would you feel if we came to your job and demanded your attention while you were trying to exit the building?” The customer had never thought about it that way. She just knew that she had her agenda and my roommate would oblige.
How would you feel if you were leaving work, ON YOUR WAY OUT THE DOOR, and someone stopped you for something that was not critical? Would you be annoyed? Would you be upset? Probably. Why? Because when you are ready to leave work you are ready to leave work! The person who has stopped you is so tunnel visioned that they cannot think of anything except their agenda that is does not register for them that you are leaving. They may not even see your coat or be aware of the time. In short, they are in their own little world. However, how many times have you been the person to do the stopping? How many times are you in your own little world? The key here is to be present to others. What is going on with them? Oh, they are wearing their coat, their computer is packed up and they have their bag…I probably should save this till tomorrow. As children we knew when to tread lightly with our parents and when we could get away with anything, as we were keenly aware of what was in our best interest. As adults we have lost that perception and replaced it with entitlement.
Why did I stay late to answer question, fix some report, or help send an email? Why did we make that pot of coffee for one patron? Why was my roommate always great with those customers and coworkers? In each situation, we felt like we had to. Conversely, in accommodating them we trained them that it was acceptable. If I hadn’t stayed late my former boss would have learned to ask me those things at 4:30 or 5:00. The customers who had us make a pot of coffee that we knew would be wasted now thinks that he or she can do that and similar things at other service places. We train the people in our lives as to what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior and then become martyrs that they “do” that to us. Nobody does anything to us we let them.
The perpetual circle continues because the entitled will continue to be entitled and the obligated will continue to be obligated. The more the obligated oblige the more the entitled feel entitled. Then the obligated go elsewhere and feel entitled because of their sacrifice. And so on and so on.
What are your thoughts on this? Have you given it any thought until now? Are you entitled? Are you obligated?
Before that I worked at a café and more often that I can count someone would come in about a minute before closing and be shocked that we were out of coffee and some people would go so far as demand that we make more which we did.
My old roommate worked in a job where she interfaced with the public all day long. We are talking 50-60 calls a day plus the people she talked to one on one. Amazingly, when she was clearly bundled and packed up ready to go home someone, either her coworkers or a customer, would need something from her and have something that they must tell her at that moment. Irritation about this simmered in me for months. Eventually I told a customer with whom I had a friendly relationship, “She is leaving work. She works here and she is leaving. How would you feel if we came to your job and demanded your attention while you were trying to exit the building?” The customer had never thought about it that way. She just knew that she had her agenda and my roommate would oblige.
How would you feel if you were leaving work, ON YOUR WAY OUT THE DOOR, and someone stopped you for something that was not critical? Would you be annoyed? Would you be upset? Probably. Why? Because when you are ready to leave work you are ready to leave work! The person who has stopped you is so tunnel visioned that they cannot think of anything except their agenda that is does not register for them that you are leaving. They may not even see your coat or be aware of the time. In short, they are in their own little world. However, how many times have you been the person to do the stopping? How many times are you in your own little world? The key here is to be present to others. What is going on with them? Oh, they are wearing their coat, their computer is packed up and they have their bag…I probably should save this till tomorrow. As children we knew when to tread lightly with our parents and when we could get away with anything, as we were keenly aware of what was in our best interest. As adults we have lost that perception and replaced it with entitlement.
Why did I stay late to answer question, fix some report, or help send an email? Why did we make that pot of coffee for one patron? Why was my roommate always great with those customers and coworkers? In each situation, we felt like we had to. Conversely, in accommodating them we trained them that it was acceptable. If I hadn’t stayed late my former boss would have learned to ask me those things at 4:30 or 5:00. The customers who had us make a pot of coffee that we knew would be wasted now thinks that he or she can do that and similar things at other service places. We train the people in our lives as to what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior and then become martyrs that they “do” that to us. Nobody does anything to us we let them.
The perpetual circle continues because the entitled will continue to be entitled and the obligated will continue to be obligated. The more the obligated oblige the more the entitled feel entitled. Then the obligated go elsewhere and feel entitled because of their sacrifice. And so on and so on.
What are your thoughts on this? Have you given it any thought until now? Are you entitled? Are you obligated?
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
At work, Up Close and Personal
I entered the office knowing I required more coffee and thus would be making a pot. I stopped at my desk and turned the computer before I went to the staff lounge. That was at 9:30. At 9:55, as I am leaving my managers office, I declare to my coworker Tony I am going to brew some coffee. Heading to the break room, I end up at my work space. Oh look I have a message. I better check that. I better call her back. Maybe respond to a few emails and take another call. At 10:15 Tony comes out of a meeting with our boss…intending to pour himself a cuppa joe. Oops, I tell him I have not made it yet. I go and scoop the coffee, fill the coffee pot with 12 cups of water. We will soon be good to go. At 10:45 Tony comes out of another meeting and jokingly says, “There better be coffee now that I am out of my meeting.” I proudly inform him to enjoy it. Sitting at my desk, I hear him say “Alyssa!” In the saying of my name, I infer the subtext is “What the hell is wrong with you?” Huh? Did I forget to turn it on? No, no way. Well maybe. Better go see. Tony is filling the carafe again. No, no. I KNOW I put water in. As I go to double check. It’s turned on. Why isn’t it brewing? Is it broken? WHY ISN’T IT WORKING? Ah, it is unplugged. Yep, didn’t think about that. I look at Tony and inform him that what makes this really funny is yesterday’s blog….I laugh at myself.
I recount the tale to my mom and she says, ”Of course, you never thought to check if it was turned on.” No. Who goes around unplugging domestic devices?
Later, I, again, go to make coffee. Scoop? Done. Water? Done. Ok, so now I need to go to the bathroom. Oh, wait I didn’t turn on the equipment. Crap. If I had gone to the bathroom I would have had a repeat of this morning. Thank goodness I do no look like a loser. I mean I managed a Barnes and Noble Café and I cannot see this to completion. Whew….
This shit cannot be made up or scripted. It is my life. Tony can verify. If the disorder had had me, I would have defended and deflected. Laughing at myself would not be an option. Sharing it in Cyberspace would truly not be an option
I recount the tale to my mom and she says, ”Of course, you never thought to check if it was turned on.” No. Who goes around unplugging domestic devices?
Later, I, again, go to make coffee. Scoop? Done. Water? Done. Ok, so now I need to go to the bathroom. Oh, wait I didn’t turn on the equipment. Crap. If I had gone to the bathroom I would have had a repeat of this morning. Thank goodness I do no look like a loser. I mean I managed a Barnes and Noble Café and I cannot see this to completion. Whew….
This shit cannot be made up or scripted. It is my life. Tony can verify. If the disorder had had me, I would have defended and deflected. Laughing at myself would not be an option. Sharing it in Cyberspace would truly not be an option
Monday, March 15, 2010
My Morning, Up Close and Personal....
This morning the alarm clock wakes me out of what had been a restless sleep at best. I hit snooze at least three times until that is no longer an option if I want to be on time for work. Half awake I stumble to the kitchen to make my requisite morning coffee. Beep Beep Beep. I forgot to turn off the alarm clock. BeepBeep BeepBeep BeepBeep. I finish scooping the coffee into the filter and rush back to kill the alarm clock. BeepBeepBeep BeepBeepBee…. ok silence. Back to the kitchen. Crap. I didn’t put any water in the coffee maker. I have to get in the shower. I need coffee. I do not know what I am going to wear. I didn’t so laundry yesterday as I had planned. Oh, wait Robin Roberts is interviewing Jessica Simpson. I don’t really like her but seems like an interesting interview. She gained ten pounds last year? People said things? Maybe my coffee is ready…. oh, I forgot to turn the sucker on. Okay, I really need to get in the shower. Turn it on. Plug in iron. Hop in the shower. In the shower I scan my brain to figure out what I can possibly wear. Everything that is clean needs to be ironed and Downey Wrinkle Release will just not do. I hate to iron. If I were more on top of it I would have done my laundry. Why didn’t I do that? I wanted to watch TV…. couldn’t I just have run a few loads to the washroom while I was watching DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES? Oh, that’s right I am lazy. I am a screw up. Out of the shower I have a pretty good idea of what I am going to wear and it has nothing to do with what I want to wear and everything to do with what I think will be the easiest to press. Ahhh, coffee. My phone is blinking. Did I miss a call? No it is reminding me that I need to leave for work in 15 minutes. Crap. Am I going to be late? More coffee. What is George Stephanopoulos talking about? Is Robin Roberts that tall or is he that short? These wrinkles are unrelenting. This is not working. Time to get out the dress that should really be drycleaned and the Febreeze….this should work. I hate this outfit. I need more coffee. Five minutes. That’s right it is Regis and Kelly. How long has Kathie Lee been off the show? Why did she leave? I should look that up later today. Time to brush my teethe and put some product in my hair. Looks like I am ready to go. Grab my bag. Get my keys. Start to exit. Go back inside to make sure I unpluged the iron. Unplugged. Wish I had more time for coffee. Did I turn of the coffee maker as I do not trust the shutoff feature. I better check. Ok, it’s off. Time to go….
Seem over the top? I wish it was. I have had more mornings like this than I can count. I have ADD and left unmanged my life is as described in the above passage. I have spent most of my adult life pretending that I didn’t have it, making sure no one else knew I had it, and conpensating for it. Sometimes my life worked brilliantly…and other times not so much. Sometimes I have had my disorder and other times it has had me.
Seem over the top? I wish it was. I have had more mornings like this than I can count. I have ADD and left unmanged my life is as described in the above passage. I have spent most of my adult life pretending that I didn’t have it, making sure no one else knew I had it, and conpensating for it. Sometimes my life worked brilliantly…and other times not so much. Sometimes I have had my disorder and other times it has had me.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Be Prepared
Waiting in a line at Starbucks that is about 10 deep. Finally I am second in line when the person in front of me has to dig through their purse to locate her money I wait while she rummages around thinking, “did she not know that this was going to be a paid transaction? Did she think the server was going to give her the drink for free?”
Getting on the bus and the person in front of me was searching their pockets for the $1.50. Did they not think they would have to shell out change for the trip?
Answering the phone at work when customer called in asking for the address of where our office is located. I give him the information and he says, “hold on and let me get out my pen.” He phones me asking for data knowing he would need to write down and did not have a pen ready.
Standing in line at the convenient store and the clerk is being patient while the patron before them is holding up the line scavenging for the last four cents on the $2.54 transaction. He looks at me apologetically.
Here is the thing…. Be prepared! If you are in a line and know there will be a cash transaction use that time standing there to get your stuff together. Have your cash or credit card in hand. If you plan on paying with exact change keep it in a reasonably accessible location. And please do not think you are doing the clerk/server a favor by digging up that four cents…. they can make change. Likewise, if you are calling to obtain information that you know you will need to write down have a pen and paper handy before you dial the phone.
While this could seem like a petty rant, I think it is indicative of an ethos that tears at the fiber of workability in society. People do not have any time or desire to wait in line under any circumstance. I know this and therefore have my money ready in said situations and the like. I do this because I have a basic consideration for both the person next in line and the person behind the counter. The person next in line is eager to complete the transaction and get on with their day and me being ready contributes to that happening. The person behind the counter is committed to having the line move as quickly as possible and having my money ready assist them in that task. The person who answers the phone has other things to do than wait for you to get your crap together.
It is an unwritten social contract that this is how things are going to go and when someone is a clog in that flow it does not work and causes unnecessary frustration for the people involved. When someone is not prepared they are a clog in the flow. If you were behind me in line I would show you enough respect to be prepared. If I was calling your place of business I would be prepared. Please have the courtesy to do the same for others and me.
What other every day courtesies would you like to see more of? What are your thoughts on this? What other examples can you think of?
Getting on the bus and the person in front of me was searching their pockets for the $1.50. Did they not think they would have to shell out change for the trip?
Answering the phone at work when customer called in asking for the address of where our office is located. I give him the information and he says, “hold on and let me get out my pen.” He phones me asking for data knowing he would need to write down and did not have a pen ready.
Standing in line at the convenient store and the clerk is being patient while the patron before them is holding up the line scavenging for the last four cents on the $2.54 transaction. He looks at me apologetically.
Here is the thing…. Be prepared! If you are in a line and know there will be a cash transaction use that time standing there to get your stuff together. Have your cash or credit card in hand. If you plan on paying with exact change keep it in a reasonably accessible location. And please do not think you are doing the clerk/server a favor by digging up that four cents…. they can make change. Likewise, if you are calling to obtain information that you know you will need to write down have a pen and paper handy before you dial the phone.
While this could seem like a petty rant, I think it is indicative of an ethos that tears at the fiber of workability in society. People do not have any time or desire to wait in line under any circumstance. I know this and therefore have my money ready in said situations and the like. I do this because I have a basic consideration for both the person next in line and the person behind the counter. The person next in line is eager to complete the transaction and get on with their day and me being ready contributes to that happening. The person behind the counter is committed to having the line move as quickly as possible and having my money ready assist them in that task. The person who answers the phone has other things to do than wait for you to get your crap together.
It is an unwritten social contract that this is how things are going to go and when someone is a clog in that flow it does not work and causes unnecessary frustration for the people involved. When someone is not prepared they are a clog in the flow. If you were behind me in line I would show you enough respect to be prepared. If I was calling your place of business I would be prepared. Please have the courtesy to do the same for others and me.
What other every day courtesies would you like to see more of? What are your thoughts on this? What other examples can you think of?
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Carless in Costa Mesa
Ok. I live in Southern California and I do not own a car. To avoid confusion, I have a Drivers License but I do not have a motor vehicle. This is often where people get confused.
Maybe it is because less than a month after getting my license I turned left in my Datsun Nissan Pulsar and get hit in the left side passenger door by a Volvo?
Maybe it is because when I was 19, Irma, my blue Toyota Corolla ran out of gas a block from my house?
Maybe it is because when I was 23 the clutch on the Red VW Rabbit (diesel) died while I was driving south on Lakeshore Drive?
Maybe it is because while driving to deliver my 88 Honda Accord (with 28,000 miles) the hood flew into my windshield while driving on I55 at 55 miles per hour?
Admittedly, I do not have a good history with automobiles. In fact, I suspect if I get a car it would spontaneously combust on the 405 or I will a blow tire on PCH and fly into the ocean. Deeper than that is the unwillingness of this city girl to get a car.
Yep, I am indisposed to indulge in the one thing that every other individual in this environment sees as a necessity.
Why?
Three reasons. I am cheap, I am vain, and I like my alone time.
I do not want a car payment. I do not care to pay car insurance. I am loath to pay for gas. I am cheap.
I work about 70 hours a week and the only exercise I get is walking to my workplace. I get. I am 35 and look good in a bikini so it works. I have people tell me I must work out a lot so it works. I am 5 foot 7 inches and wear a size 6...so it works. Yep, vain.
Again, I have a very intense job with long hours where I am constantly in contact with people so crave in my half hour of time where I can listen to music or catch up with friends.
So now we have the why. How about the how?
How? Location and planning.
I live one and a half miles from my office. I stride to work everyday. I catch a ride home every night. My groceries are delivered. Dry cleaners pick up and drop off during the day. Blocks away from my apartment are any kind of restaurant you can imagine ranging from fast food to Four Star feasts to Sushi to Cuban. I can even eat Vegan should that be what I want. Also, smack dab in the middle of the dinning Mecca is the bus stop. Two busses run down Bristol Street every 15 minutes. They take me to any store I could desire. Really, South Coast Plaza, Barnes and Noble, CVS, Nordstrom Rack.... ANYTHING!! In the opposite direction of my apartment, another bus takes me down Newport Boulevard. It only runs every half an hour and takes a little more planning but it takes me to all sorts of wonderful places like my doctors and the beach. Location, Location, Location.
I am also grateful for the people who give me rides to events that I want to attend which are out of my daily/weekly geographical sphere.
I could say more about this…however all you need to know is I am quite happy with my carless existence. Could you be happy with out a car? What is the one thing other people cannot live without that you would be happy to sacrifice?
Maybe it is because less than a month after getting my license I turned left in my Datsun Nissan Pulsar and get hit in the left side passenger door by a Volvo?
Maybe it is because when I was 19, Irma, my blue Toyota Corolla ran out of gas a block from my house?
Maybe it is because when I was 23 the clutch on the Red VW Rabbit (diesel) died while I was driving south on Lakeshore Drive?
Maybe it is because while driving to deliver my 88 Honda Accord (with 28,000 miles) the hood flew into my windshield while driving on I55 at 55 miles per hour?
Admittedly, I do not have a good history with automobiles. In fact, I suspect if I get a car it would spontaneously combust on the 405 or I will a blow tire on PCH and fly into the ocean. Deeper than that is the unwillingness of this city girl to get a car.
Yep, I am indisposed to indulge in the one thing that every other individual in this environment sees as a necessity.
Why?
Three reasons. I am cheap, I am vain, and I like my alone time.
I do not want a car payment. I do not care to pay car insurance. I am loath to pay for gas. I am cheap.
I work about 70 hours a week and the only exercise I get is walking to my workplace. I get. I am 35 and look good in a bikini so it works. I have people tell me I must work out a lot so it works. I am 5 foot 7 inches and wear a size 6...so it works. Yep, vain.
Again, I have a very intense job with long hours where I am constantly in contact with people so crave in my half hour of time where I can listen to music or catch up with friends.
So now we have the why. How about the how?
How? Location and planning.
I live one and a half miles from my office. I stride to work everyday. I catch a ride home every night. My groceries are delivered. Dry cleaners pick up and drop off during the day. Blocks away from my apartment are any kind of restaurant you can imagine ranging from fast food to Four Star feasts to Sushi to Cuban. I can even eat Vegan should that be what I want. Also, smack dab in the middle of the dinning Mecca is the bus stop. Two busses run down Bristol Street every 15 minutes. They take me to any store I could desire. Really, South Coast Plaza, Barnes and Noble, CVS, Nordstrom Rack.... ANYTHING!! In the opposite direction of my apartment, another bus takes me down Newport Boulevard. It only runs every half an hour and takes a little more planning but it takes me to all sorts of wonderful places like my doctors and the beach. Location, Location, Location.
I am also grateful for the people who give me rides to events that I want to attend which are out of my daily/weekly geographical sphere.
I could say more about this…however all you need to know is I am quite happy with my carless existence. Could you be happy with out a car? What is the one thing other people cannot live without that you would be happy to sacrifice?
Sunday, March 7, 2010
My First Blog
This is my first blog.
It was suggested that I start a blog when I moved from the Midwest to California to chronicle the adventures of a liberal, urban girl from Chicago who moves to conservative, suburban Orange County. That was in November, 2008. I thought about it frequently but took no action. So here we are in March, 2010 and I am blogging.
Sorry to have robbed you all of the tales of my move but truth be told they were not very exciting. My life is not like THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ORANGE COUNTY or THE HILLS. I do intend in future blogs to address life in OC but you will have to wait for that.
The reason I have waited almost a year and a half to fulfill on the idea of a blog is that I have been frozen by fear. I've created a myriad of excuses for not starting a blog. First is was my lack of a personal computer. Then it was lack of an Internet connection at home--though there is a free Internet cafe a block from my house. Even today, with my new laptop and Internet connection, I needed to clean my refrigerator instead of write this blog. Once the fridge was clean the bathtub needed to scrubbed and the living room needed to be dusted. So I sat in my clean apartment and thought to myself, "I am too tired to start this today...I will just wake up early tomorrow and write it." I know myself and tomorrow I will hit the snooze button (again and again) and then rush out of the house to barely make it to work on time. There will always be a reason not to do this. But again the truth is that I am scared. I am terrified to write and share it with everyone. I am petrified that my year plus of blog topics will not be good enough. I am fearful that my ideas, my writing and my life will be judged and I will be thought of badly. And that may happen. But then again someone might get enjoyment from reading my blog, maybe I will say something that will make a difference, maybe I will find my self expression. So I put down the cleaning supplies. Turned off the LAW AND ORDER. And wrote my first blog.
Mostly this blog will be my observations about life, some stories, and a rant or two. A few topics will be how I manage to live in Southern California without owning a car, how too much TV can make a person paranoid and what I know about plastic surgery in Southern California.
Stay tuned and judge way.
It was suggested that I start a blog when I moved from the Midwest to California to chronicle the adventures of a liberal, urban girl from Chicago who moves to conservative, suburban Orange County. That was in November, 2008. I thought about it frequently but took no action. So here we are in March, 2010 and I am blogging.
Sorry to have robbed you all of the tales of my move but truth be told they were not very exciting. My life is not like THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ORANGE COUNTY or THE HILLS. I do intend in future blogs to address life in OC but you will have to wait for that.
The reason I have waited almost a year and a half to fulfill on the idea of a blog is that I have been frozen by fear. I've created a myriad of excuses for not starting a blog. First is was my lack of a personal computer. Then it was lack of an Internet connection at home--though there is a free Internet cafe a block from my house. Even today, with my new laptop and Internet connection, I needed to clean my refrigerator instead of write this blog. Once the fridge was clean the bathtub needed to scrubbed and the living room needed to be dusted. So I sat in my clean apartment and thought to myself, "I am too tired to start this today...I will just wake up early tomorrow and write it." I know myself and tomorrow I will hit the snooze button (again and again) and then rush out of the house to barely make it to work on time. There will always be a reason not to do this. But again the truth is that I am scared. I am terrified to write and share it with everyone. I am petrified that my year plus of blog topics will not be good enough. I am fearful that my ideas, my writing and my life will be judged and I will be thought of badly. And that may happen. But then again someone might get enjoyment from reading my blog, maybe I will say something that will make a difference, maybe I will find my self expression. So I put down the cleaning supplies. Turned off the LAW AND ORDER. And wrote my first blog.
Mostly this blog will be my observations about life, some stories, and a rant or two. A few topics will be how I manage to live in Southern California without owning a car, how too much TV can make a person paranoid and what I know about plastic surgery in Southern California.
Stay tuned and judge way.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
